KNOW YOUR PLACE!!!
Hi B-Diarians! How have y'all been? And how's the weather at your end? It's been raining cats and dogs here. In the past days, I've been drenched on my way to work. It's so bad that I've sometimes gotten to work pretty late or my footwear gets bad...very frustrating situations. I get to the office and all I want to do is take the day off and go buy a posh car in peace, but then again...I am humbled by my account balance jare. I just respect myself, sit in my seat and drink hot tea or coffee!
Few nights ago, I was having a conversation and then there was this funny story I was told. Let me try to summarize...a boyfriend and a girlfriend went for a birthday party somewhere, the bf stepped out for a while and came back with a male friend who sat beside him in the front seat. It was time to leave the party and the male friend was in the front seat, the lady insisted she must sit in front while her bf's friend should go to the back seat. The bf felt embarrassed that this was an issue. His male friend however didn't want the drama and so opted to go to the back seat. Mr. Bf insisted that he shouldn't and that the gf should go instead. Drama ensued, exchange of cuss words between bf and gf, they got physical and some car parts were broken in the process. The male friend left Mr. BF and Ms. GF in their drama and took a cab home.
End of story...
I have major concerns about this story which I'll deal with in this piece. And as usual, you have the opportunity to agree or disagree with my stance. Just let's know your position too via comments below.
There's this unspoken/unwritten code that the front seat is the exclusive preserve of a wife (and by extension, maybe a gf...yeah, bite me!), that's if it's the husband/bf driving. Except where the lady is a nursing mother, then for safety reasons, she should take the back seat. Another exception is where the wife (in its general sense including gf please) permits that another person sits at the front instead of her. Let me break it down, if I am going on a trip with hubby and his friend, I shouldn't be ''dragging'' the front seat with his friend. The friend also, shouldn't be automatically expecting that I go to the back seat, that will be rude or disrespectful in my opinion. It is just expected that the friend should even pretend to ''try'' to sit behind and let me enjoy the pleasure of saying: ''No probs, XoXo, you can stay in the front seat, I'll stay in the back seat''. Everyone is happy. Gains of acting in this manner: 1. I get the satisfaction that the friend recognizes my place, 2. The friend also receive politeness and kindness in return, and 3. We avoid any drama. Period. Even though I don't see myself pulling down the roof of the vehicle for this reason (I can let it slide and deal with the issue later with Le Hubs), I just expect that everyone knows their place and apply wisdom.
Agreed, some ladies are drama queens rays to power 100, but we can avoid their drama also and live in peace na, abi? So why indulge them? In the story narrated above, the lady was way outta line. She could have endured and discuss with her bf later so that they don't embarrass his friend. Again, I seriously cannot question why she wanted to sit in the front seat. It was her prerogative and she felt she deserved to be there. Oh well! That's for her and her bf to decide who is his ''ride or die'' literally. I loved the part that the friend actually gave up the seat for the gf , but the bf was also a drama king! Why did he insist that the friend should stay put in front? I smell belittling of the gf from a mile away! He would have controlled the situation and treated the issue with his gf later, not necessarily in front of his friend. I was told that its always an ego thing for a guy who has been embarrassed in front of a friend to react to the situation immediately, but in another breath, ask yourself these questions...Is it really worth it? To what end is it if we disgrace ourselves outside? Can this be sorted in private? Ok, my gf has embarrassed herself, do I need to join her too? All these questions will help the man rethink and strategize to avoid catastrophe.
Another way to look at the issue is to consider what exactly the girl would have lost by sitting at the back seat till the male friend was dropped off. NOTHING!!! So, sometimes, we ladies waste our energy on fighting weak battles. Again, if the gf knew her place, she obviously wouldn't be dragging seats with the bf's friend. The seat ish doesn't rob her of her ''gf'' title really. It's only a seat after all! I'm sure most guys will be happy about this paragraph because in situations like this, this is usually their thinking...''what is there really''? ''isn't it a seat''? we have some guy issues to discuss and I'll be distracted if he sits behind me''.. Errrrrmm, we know Sir, but all these can easily be relayed to her subtly before you guys get to the car or head out for that event, so that she is pre-informed and doesn't feel slighted. Sometimes, all the lady really wants is just that recognition and respect.
Let's move a notch further...
At the home front also, a lot of people don't know their place, and this causes friction and avoidable tension. You'll see a husband's sister dragging place of importance with the wife or a mother dragging ''who has more influence on my daughter'' with her son-in-law. Huh? Unnecessary drama and needless chaos! There are no victors or vanquished, no one important person than the other (each person is very important in his/her own right), and we all have different roles to play as a unit, be you, the father, sister, uncle or foster parent, we all are equally important.
Sometimes, situations might want to push you to act ''below'' your standard and reemphasize your position to all those ''oversabi'' friends who are quick to forget. I think I have had this front seat experience before and I was this close to bringing fire down (LOL), but I held on. Aint nobody gonna strip me of my crown and make me act like aslave. I'm royalty of course! I was not as pissed with his friend as I was with him for not seeing anything wrong with the situation. It was a road trip and the friend said ''Barby you'll have to sit behind oh, me and my guy have a lot of catching up to do'' and this was supposed to be a BAE-CATION, my baecation! *flips hair*. I wasn't aware we had to deal with company. But I swallowed my dramatic instinct and enjoyed the ride, I cannot remember if I addressed the issue afterwards...I guess I didn't because if I did, I wouldn't have forgotten I did and I'll be sharing the story with you!
But now, I know better. I know my place, and I know who to talk to should I have concerns. And I've learnt not to be so dramatic...Now over to you, do you know your place?
Barby.
Few nights ago, I was having a conversation and then there was this funny story I was told. Let me try to summarize...a boyfriend and a girlfriend went for a birthday party somewhere, the bf stepped out for a while and came back with a male friend who sat beside him in the front seat. It was time to leave the party and the male friend was in the front seat, the lady insisted she must sit in front while her bf's friend should go to the back seat. The bf felt embarrassed that this was an issue. His male friend however didn't want the drama and so opted to go to the back seat. Mr. Bf insisted that he shouldn't and that the gf should go instead. Drama ensued, exchange of cuss words between bf and gf, they got physical and some car parts were broken in the process. The male friend left Mr. BF and Ms. GF in their drama and took a cab home.
End of story...
I have major concerns about this story which I'll deal with in this piece. And as usual, you have the opportunity to agree or disagree with my stance. Just let's know your position too via comments below.
There's this unspoken/unwritten code that the front seat is the exclusive preserve of a wife (and by extension, maybe a gf...yeah, bite me!), that's if it's the husband/bf driving. Except where the lady is a nursing mother, then for safety reasons, she should take the back seat. Another exception is where the wife (in its general sense including gf please) permits that another person sits at the front instead of her. Let me break it down, if I am going on a trip with hubby and his friend, I shouldn't be ''dragging'' the front seat with his friend. The friend also, shouldn't be automatically expecting that I go to the back seat, that will be rude or disrespectful in my opinion. It is just expected that the friend should even pretend to ''try'' to sit behind and let me enjoy the pleasure of saying: ''No probs, XoXo, you can stay in the front seat, I'll stay in the back seat''. Everyone is happy. Gains of acting in this manner: 1. I get the satisfaction that the friend recognizes my place, 2. The friend also receive politeness and kindness in return, and 3. We avoid any drama. Period. Even though I don't see myself pulling down the roof of the vehicle for this reason (I can let it slide and deal with the issue later with Le Hubs), I just expect that everyone knows their place and apply wisdom.
Agreed, some ladies are drama queens rays to power 100, but we can avoid their drama also and live in peace na, abi? So why indulge them? In the story narrated above, the lady was way outta line. She could have endured and discuss with her bf later so that they don't embarrass his friend. Again, I seriously cannot question why she wanted to sit in the front seat. It was her prerogative and she felt she deserved to be there. Oh well! That's for her and her bf to decide who is his ''ride or die'' literally. I loved the part that the friend actually gave up the seat for the gf , but the bf was also a drama king! Why did he insist that the friend should stay put in front? I smell belittling of the gf from a mile away! He would have controlled the situation and treated the issue with his gf later, not necessarily in front of his friend. I was told that its always an ego thing for a guy who has been embarrassed in front of a friend to react to the situation immediately, but in another breath, ask yourself these questions...Is it really worth it? To what end is it if we disgrace ourselves outside? Can this be sorted in private? Ok, my gf has embarrassed herself, do I need to join her too? All these questions will help the man rethink and strategize to avoid catastrophe.
Another way to look at the issue is to consider what exactly the girl would have lost by sitting at the back seat till the male friend was dropped off. NOTHING!!! So, sometimes, we ladies waste our energy on fighting weak battles. Again, if the gf knew her place, she obviously wouldn't be dragging seats with the bf's friend. The seat ish doesn't rob her of her ''gf'' title really. It's only a seat after all! I'm sure most guys will be happy about this paragraph because in situations like this, this is usually their thinking...''what is there really''? ''isn't it a seat''? we have some guy issues to discuss and I'll be distracted if he sits behind me''.. Errrrrmm, we know Sir, but all these can easily be relayed to her subtly before you guys get to the car or head out for that event, so that she is pre-informed and doesn't feel slighted. Sometimes, all the lady really wants is just that recognition and respect.
Let's move a notch further...
At the home front also, a lot of people don't know their place, and this causes friction and avoidable tension. You'll see a husband's sister dragging place of importance with the wife or a mother dragging ''who has more influence on my daughter'' with her son-in-law. Huh? Unnecessary drama and needless chaos! There are no victors or vanquished, no one important person than the other (each person is very important in his/her own right), and we all have different roles to play as a unit, be you, the father, sister, uncle or foster parent, we all are equally important.
Sometimes, situations might want to push you to act ''below'' your standard and reemphasize your position to all those ''oversabi'' friends who are quick to forget. I think I have had this front seat experience before and I was this close to bringing fire down (LOL), but I held on. Aint nobody gonna strip me of my crown and make me act like a
But now, I know better. I know my place, and I know who to talk to should I have concerns. And I've learnt not to be so dramatic...Now over to you, do you know your place?
Barby.
I am waiting for comments
ReplyDeleteLol...same here oh!
DeleteYour perspectives on that sensitive issue is really very impressive! Men sometimes don't know these little things are sacred to women. I think if d lady felt uncomfortable with the arrangement d 1st time, she shld let it slide n talk abt it with her hubby afterwards to avoid future unpleasantness. With effective communication, men become more sensitive with time. Albarika
ReplyDeleteTrue. In all fairness really, men tend to adjust if u can relay your points to them in a more conducive atmosphere. Sometimes, they err, not out of spite or disrespect, but unknowingly. Thanks Kazeem.
DeleteYour perspectives on that sensitive issue is really very impressive! Men sometimes don't know these little things are sacred to women. I think if d lady felt uncomfortable with the arrangement d 1st time, she shld let it slide n talk abt it with her hubby afterwards to avoid future unpleasantness. With effective communication, men become more sensitive with time. Albarika
ReplyDeleteBarby girl,I pray ds go as far as it can reached so dat all ds soooooooo much busy body babes can see n learn lot of lesson,waz up with front sit n all.what u should concern u is ur place in his heart.Barby u nailed it all.FG
ReplyDeleteBut...a man that cannot ''preserve'' the front seat (that you are seeing)for you, how can you claim to own his heart (that you cannot see)??? Just saying*
DeleteThe front seat belongs to the GF or wife, it depends on the credibility that the GF has achieved though. Only a time trusted GF would have the front seat over my real G. But if the G was sitting on the front seat before we pick her, she would manage the back seat for the main time. It's hers anyway.
ReplyDeleteSo bros over h*es right??? I understand that if ur "real G" was sitting in d front b4 u pick her, she shd manage d back till real G drops off...but whether trusted GF or nah (that's ur own further maths to decide oh), she owns d front seat as a gf! Tongue out*
Deleteil hv to align myself wt gift...whoever enters d car 1st asin who i pick 1st gets to sit in front, its simple courtsey unless he/she so decides respectfully to allow gf/wifey come to d front...it wil be too dramatic for gf/wifey to order d other person to go behind knwingly fully well we came together to pick gf/wifey...However, if we r embarking on the journey 2geda frm d begining, then ofcos front seat is for gf/wifey unless sh says otherwise..there is no hard and fast rule anyways, different situations would lead to different doings...
ReplyDeleteI quote from your second line Sir,...'unless he/she so DECIDES RESPECTFULLY to allow gf/wifey come to the front'. Ehn! So, it's your friend that will decide for ur gf abi? Hehehe. Please who owns the car more between gf and friend? Runs away*
Deleteits nt abt who owns d car...if i came to pick u wt a friend nd u r to enter d car...ul quietly open d back door nd sit der nd we wil all hapilly gist. if u dramatise front seat wt my friend. il nt say anytn at dt moment. bt i certainly wil nt like it nd il tel u when we r alone...
DeleteAbeg o,where is ds discussion going,waz up with ds front sit,is d seat measurable 2 d luv or d finance dat both of u 2 enjoy ur life.if d man like put me in boot,lol.What should concern me is his luv n attention,A man can put u in front seat or ask his friend 2 leave d seat 4 u,bt stil 've no value or respect 4 u.Babes we all 've 2 think straight on ds matter.FG
ReplyDeleteHahaha...
DeleteHmm.. U see for ur gf to b very upset about d event rising she must b very troublesome... so if u know ur gf very well u must knw how she would react to d situation... But really i see no problem dere after all dats nt a house dat u will say d friend is sharing d masters bedroom with. Jst saying*
ReplyDeleteWell said Ziggy!
DeleteLaughing @ gf bn troublesome,lol,wahala dey o.Ziggy u must very funny,it all boils down 2 pipo adding importance 2 irrelevant places n things.FG
ReplyDelete