LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX...

Hello Cupcakes? Been a while yeah? I think so too! Last week, I left you all in the hands of a very good writer and ardent reader of the blog; Arnold. I hope y’all enjoyed reading his piece and learnt a thing or two from it, ‘cos I did. Preach it till it gets to the end of the world! STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!

Today’s topic is a very sensitive and highly implicative one for me. I can literally say that it took me nine lives to write this article. I’ll tell you why; my family (including my extended family, maybe my grandma in the village also) reads my blog. I can imagine the look on my Dad or Mum’s face when she opens the blog today and see the topic. They’ll be like; ‘’warrisdis kwa?’’. Now I have to face them alone whenever I go home on holidays. No thanks to you guys…Another reason I dread this article is the majority African cultural belief. Where we come from, it is almost weird to talk about issues like this in the public. It is either people feel you’re too young to talk about it, or when you’re perceived old enough to talk about it, then it becomes really awkward or unpleasant to hear it. That’s why you hear myths like; ‘’if a boy sits next to a girl, the girl gets pregnant’’, or ‘’don’t talk to boys, it leads to pregnancy’’ or the likes.

The world has moved from how it was some hundred or fifty years ago, where all these myths could ‘’sell’’. We’re in the 21^st century, and myths as these will only be an experiment for a curious child. So please, parents, ditch all the witty talk and get to business. Teach your children (especially at puberty) SEX EDUCATION. There’s no easier way to say a thing than to say it the way it is. Don’t allow them hear it from outside, you’ll be surprised the type of damage it will do to them. They are your offspring, so, direct them in the way they’ll not depart from. With this, they’ll be more open to discussing their concerns and fears with you. You’ll also be shocked at the kind of information (negatives too) they can get from the internet.

Slightly away from this, let’s discuss PRE-MARITAL SEX.

Pre-marital sex is sex before marriage. The Bible’s stance on this is uncompromising.  ‘’Thou shall not fornicate’’. Now, this is not a religious blog, but I am also aware that the Muslims have similar law in their Holy Book. It’s a no/no for you if you are unmarried. Simple.

God invented sex for married couples, but the world has ‘'commonized’’ it. The world has made sex look like it's nothing in order to justify engaging in it. My dear, if you are reading this, then know that sex is a BIG thing. Aside from the physical connection that there is to it, there’s also the spiritual connection and of course, the emotions that flow from it. That’s why it should be exclusively preserved for marriage; between a husband and his wife, for procreation, and for pleasure and to lock all the physical, spiritual and emotional connections there are, within.

There are a lot of dangers in engaging in pre-marital sex. One of such is the possibility of not ending up in marriage to the person. Imagine revealing your inner self to someone who has no business knowing your details. Awkward right? I think so too. Again, you’re indirectly robbing Peter to pay Paul. What should be only your husband/wife business has become a common commodity because you chose to reveal same to X, Y, Z. Not nice at all. Another reason? Well, sex is addictive. You start, it’s difficult to back out. Why rush to ‘’taste’’ what you have the rest of your life to enjoy? What you don’t know wouldn’t kill you, so don’t rush. Additionally, pre-marital sex can lead to pregnancy, which would lead to unwanted babies, which may lead to abortions or pre-mature fatherhood/motherhood. Now imagine what one singular act can lead to, so many things! Not worthwhile. Easy way out—don’t indulge at all. Pre-marital sex can also lead to unfaithfulness in marriage (when you finally get married). You’ll hear people say they don’t enjoy sex in their marriage probably because they have had better sex before they got married (supposing they don’t get married to the same sex partner). Mr. Boyfriend was so good, and Mr. Husband isn’t so good. Madam is not having any of it, she has ‘’tasted’’ something better, she cannot cope with average for so long, so she goes in search of a ‘’beast’’ in bed = UNFAITHFULNESS begins. There is also the possibility of contacting STIs and STDs…So, so many instances. So, so many reasons why pre-marital sex should be non-negotiable till marriage. If you’re so eager, please get married A.S.A.P and enjoy without guilt. Bear in mind however, that marriage isn’t for kids at heart. I say kids at heart, because age doesn’t connote maturity. Some twenty years old are more knowledgeable than some forties. My apologies for that bluntness.

Notwithstanding all of these, some critics have spoken and they agree otherwise. They claim that the major causes of most divorce or breakdown of marriages can be linked to sexual issues between the couple. They argue that if one’s sexual needs are not met in a marriage, there’s the temptation to have them met elsewhere. For instance; sexual incompatibility. Imagine the couple were celibate till after the wedding, only to find out that one partner is drifting towards sexual addiction, while the other isn’t so interested in sex…square peg in a round hole kind of situation. Some people naturally don’t like sex, but they want to get married and somehow have children too. Imagine that these kind of people find their attitude et al match in someone who enjoys having sex, what happens to their marriage in the long run? Your guess is as good as mine. Or, the man lies about abstaining till after marriage, only for the wife to discover after the wedding that his ‘’down there’’ cannot function properly. Or, sexual inexperience between the two of you which leads to boring ‘’bedmatics’’ and finally, lack of interest. Etc.

Tough world. *sighs*

Personally and honestly, I’m tempted to take a cue from both sides, BUT, God is not a God of confusion or sitting on the fence. There’s a reason (which we may not so understand) why He wants it the way he says it. We just have to believe wholeheartedly and pray for grace to live a holy life. Sex outside marriage is sinful. If you can obey ‘’don’t kill’’, or ‘’don’t steal’’, why can’t we obey ‘’don’t fornicate’’? The test of a believer is not only in obeying the simple commandments, but also, in adhering to the not so easy ones too. Secondly, there’s more to a marriage than sex/love making (what’s the difference please?), there’s partnership, there’s companionship, there are (may) be children to nurture and care for, etc. Don’t allow sex or too much love for it becloud your other responsibilities to your marriage. If there are sexual related issues to address, look for solutions together and experiment together. It’s just the two of you in it, and technically, you’re one body, so there should be no reservations or restrictions. Explore together. Watch sexual enhancing films together and learn and try out. Above all, pray to God, the inventor. You’ll be surprised how far you can learn when you approach the manufacturer for the manual. LOL.

Sex before marriage is spiritually and morally wrong. People have healthy relationships without sex, you can too, it's possible. If you are unmarried and have engaged in sex, don’t chastise yourself just yet, it’s never too late to stop and live free from it. Above all, pray for grace to abstain.

Long article shey? Yeah, I had to punish y’all for my not writing an article last week. Pardon me jor, I had so much to say about this topic. Over to you, please share your opinion on the matter. What do you think? For or against pre-marital sex? Your reasons? We always love to hear and learn from you! But me I sha have a quick question oh-- when we talk about no sex before marriage, are we also talking about no touches, smooches, kisses and the likes? Or is it just the full blown ish we are talking about? If you engage in the preliminaries without the real thing, does that also implicate you as indulging in pre-marital sex??? Please someone should be nice and explain this to me. Thank you.

Meanwhile, I found myself humming to this lyrics though; ‘’please don’t judge me, and I won’t judge you’’…who sang this song again??? LOL.

Photo Credit - NHN Couture.

Enjoy the rest of your week Sweeties.

Barby.