FULL DISCLOSURE IN RELATIONSHIPS (FINANCIAL)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EFOMA EBONKA, an ardent reader of Barby's Diary. God bless your new age and your latter years! She's very intelligent, humble, soft-spoken and yes, she graduated tops in our class at the University. I'm very grateful for your support and encouragement as regards my blogging. You never cease to write your opinion about our articles and you are non-apologetic about your stance, I always look forward to reading your comments and learning from you and our other readers. God bless your kind heart darling. Happy earth strong!
Back to the topic...FULL DISCLOSURE IN RELATIONSHIP (FINANCIAL)
I have heard couples say that it is ''risky'' to disclose your financial status to your partner, I'm surprised and I wonder why. My curiosity led me to ask certain married friends their opinion.
One of them said she always tell her husband only half the amount she has and earns. For instance, if she earns N500,000 a month, she'll tell her husband she earns N250,000. The idea according to her is to ''remove her husband's eye from her money'', and so that ''she can save for the rainy day''. This sent chills down my system! How do you lie this kind of big lie to your spouse and live with it and him/her? Fear God oh!
Another man said that he can never disclose his real income to his wife because he fears that she will want to ''suck'' him dry till the last dime. He also said it is not advisable because it will cause unnecessary friction between the couple as checks and balances will be too much. The lady will begin to ask questions about why you gave her N50,000 for monthly feeding when you earn a whooping N500,000 per month etc.
As much as I understand the reasons these people have given, I cannot help but say WOW! Marriage has got to be one different life entirely. So complicated, yet so simple. But I beg to disagree with their positions. Please hear me out...
First things first, how do one marry a person they cannot trust? Like, you can't show your husband your paycheck??? Please explain it to me slooooowly so I can digest and understand. Finance should be discussed at the round table, so that everyone would adjust and work alongside the budget. Imagine if your partner finds out you have lied all along about your income, and that you actually earn more than you say you do, how do you explain that? What would you say was the reason you hid such important detail from him/her? Would the reason ever be justifiable? What happens afterwards? Just ask yourself these questions before you continue in your non-disclosure.
I also think that when partners state their income, they can easily plan alongside what they earn and there can be checks and balances from both sides. You will know if all madam does with her salary is to buy aso-ebi or make-up, and you will be able to detect if all oga does with his earnings is lounging with the boys or spending on a side chick. This way, everybody is on check.
I mustn't fail to acknowledge that spouses (especially the female folks) hide their earnings from their partner because of some behavioral patterns the man may have exhibited in the past. For instance, if your husband always services side chicks on the side, or is an habitual drunkard or a spendthrift, or has a problem with saving money, the woman might just want to protect herself and her kids from unforeseen expenses. Understandably so. Or a man might refuse to disclose his income if he notices that his wife is an owambe nation who lives for Saturday Saturday paparazzi, he might just choose non-disclosure to protect his own end. I understand that also.
I'll advice couples to be open in their relationship. Finance is an important part of a relationship, so the issue should be thoroughly discussed and a meeting point should be agreed upon. Issues like who pays school fees, accommodation, feeding, maintenance and co should be discussed to avoid conflict. I would even advice you discuss all these before entering into the marriage. If you feel not so comfortable with what you guys arrived at, just state it and resolve it or just move on. But if after discussing all these, you get into the marriage and you meet a different scenario from what has been discussed previously, you have to borrow some sense and save up and protect your future! Never start a fight when there's no quarrel. Don't create trust issues when your better half is plain with you. Be open, it pays.
Have a nice day darling, don't forget to share your thoughts in the comment section below. As I always say, you are entitled to your opinion. You have a say, so say it!
Barby.
Back to the topic...FULL DISCLOSURE IN RELATIONSHIP (FINANCIAL)
I have heard couples say that it is ''risky'' to disclose your financial status to your partner, I'm surprised and I wonder why. My curiosity led me to ask certain married friends their opinion.
One of them said she always tell her husband only half the amount she has and earns. For instance, if she earns N500,000 a month, she'll tell her husband she earns N250,000. The idea according to her is to ''remove her husband's eye from her money'', and so that ''she can save for the rainy day''. This sent chills down my system! How do you lie this kind of big lie to your spouse and live with it and him/her? Fear God oh!
Another man said that he can never disclose his real income to his wife because he fears that she will want to ''suck'' him dry till the last dime. He also said it is not advisable because it will cause unnecessary friction between the couple as checks and balances will be too much. The lady will begin to ask questions about why you gave her N50,000 for monthly feeding when you earn a whooping N500,000 per month etc.
As much as I understand the reasons these people have given, I cannot help but say WOW! Marriage has got to be one different life entirely. So complicated, yet so simple. But I beg to disagree with their positions. Please hear me out...
First things first, how do one marry a person they cannot trust? Like, you can't show your husband your paycheck??? Please explain it to me slooooowly so I can digest and understand. Finance should be discussed at the round table, so that everyone would adjust and work alongside the budget. Imagine if your partner finds out you have lied all along about your income, and that you actually earn more than you say you do, how do you explain that? What would you say was the reason you hid such important detail from him/her? Would the reason ever be justifiable? What happens afterwards? Just ask yourself these questions before you continue in your non-disclosure.
I also think that when partners state their income, they can easily plan alongside what they earn and there can be checks and balances from both sides. You will know if all madam does with her salary is to buy aso-ebi or make-up, and you will be able to detect if all oga does with his earnings is lounging with the boys or spending on a side chick. This way, everybody is on check.
I mustn't fail to acknowledge that spouses (especially the female folks) hide their earnings from their partner because of some behavioral patterns the man may have exhibited in the past. For instance, if your husband always services side chicks on the side, or is an habitual drunkard or a spendthrift, or has a problem with saving money, the woman might just want to protect herself and her kids from unforeseen expenses. Understandably so. Or a man might refuse to disclose his income if he notices that his wife is an owambe nation who lives for Saturday Saturday paparazzi, he might just choose non-disclosure to protect his own end. I understand that also.
I'll advice couples to be open in their relationship. Finance is an important part of a relationship, so the issue should be thoroughly discussed and a meeting point should be agreed upon. Issues like who pays school fees, accommodation, feeding, maintenance and co should be discussed to avoid conflict. I would even advice you discuss all these before entering into the marriage. If you feel not so comfortable with what you guys arrived at, just state it and resolve it or just move on. But if after discussing all these, you get into the marriage and you meet a different scenario from what has been discussed previously, you have to borrow some sense and save up and protect your future! Never start a fight when there's no quarrel. Don't create trust issues when your better half is plain with you. Be open, it pays.
Have a nice day darling, don't forget to share your thoughts in the comment section below. As I always say, you are entitled to your opinion. You have a say, so say it!
Barby.
Thank you so much barby,am honoured! God bless you darling,you are a wonderful and intelligent person,a woman that has a positive focus about life,may God continue to bless the works of your hands,Amen
ReplyDeleteAMEN! Thanks dear. Finish your birthday dinner and come and share your thoughts on the subject oh! LOL.
DeleteFinance is/has nd wil always be a major issue in relationships. Der is no hard nd fast rule to tlkin abt finance, its always a personal opinion. To me, nd dis is my opinion...couples shud disclose deir finances to each other, dt way its easier to plan. Dis is d reason y u shud knw ur spouse very well, he/she has to be ur friend,confidante,lover,critque,u name it. He/she has to be ur better half...dt way its easier to disclose anytn fully. That said, fees nd runnings of d ouse i feel is a Man's thing...woman cn assist,bt dt is as far as it goes,.assist. A woman's salary shud be for her personal needs,spoil herself,her kids,her hussy, save alot nd her family maybe etc. A man's salary shud be for d home, although somtyms, d woman may hv to step up bcos it aint always rossy for d man, is dt nt y dey r help mates?...dis is hw i personally think it shud be, agn its my personal opinion...talk ur own...lol
ReplyDeleteWell said. I'm happy this is coming from a man. I hope other men read and be wise.
DeleteTo avoid stories that touch, just marry ur best friend. It's easier that way, you can't keep a secret from such person.
I agreed with you akpomedaye! Yes one should know his|her partner very well in order to trust and respect each other! For me, it's best my partner and I disclose our financial worth to each other,so that we can plan like lovely couples that we are,this whole "not telling thingy" balls down to making wrong choices both in relationships and marriage, marry right,marry your better half so that that trust can reign and love remains!
ReplyDeleteFinance is always a sensitive issue that should be carefully handled. I feel the moderator has addressed the issues properly by stating that it depends on the personalities of the parties.
ReplyDeleteI have been in a relationship in the past where when ever am travelling with my girlfriend i had to willingly give her all my cash am taking cos i had found out that i can hardly turn down requests from people and at the end of the day i give till am broke! Lol It sounds casual but it was becoming a problem. So with my gf i was able to manage myself and prevent that occurrence. So it depends on the parties dear.
Ogaga, Mr Generous! You'll have said this earlier na! I need a thousand dollars oh. LOL. God bless your kind heart dear. Givers never lack. It's so good to know that there are still men out there who don't see anything wrong in stating what they earn. I'm impressed.
Delete