FULL DISCLOSURE IN RELATIONSHIPS (SEXUAL)

Hi Guys! I promised to write this article before the week runs outs, so here it is! There are a lot of things and a lot of dimensions to this topic. I'm tempted to just write as they come to my mind but I don't want the article to be too scattered and lose its value and I'm also trying not to make a too long article. I'll try to pass my message across without losing the essence of the post in its generality...so help me God.

In  discussing this topic, we will break disclosures into two; sexual disclosures AND financial disclosure and others. Today's post will be based on the former.

''Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and it connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, TRUTHFULNESS and straightforwardness...'' They say that ''honesty is the best policy''; meaning that you should always tell the truth even when it seems as if it would be easier to tell a lie. I have discovered that it is easier to tell a lie however, it is more difficult to live in that lie, you'll most certainly need a lot of lies to back up the initial lie. To say the truth is difficult, but the advantage is that once it is said, you'll live a life free of guilt and the peace you'll have can best be experienced than imagined.

Interestingly, some persons believe lies more than the truth. I know people that always questions the truth but literally swallows every lie they are told. You tell them you're at home and they are like ''are you sure?'' and the moment you lie about something else, they don't even bother to verify, they take it hook, line and sinker.

Moving ahead from the generals, let us be more specific and talk about full disclosures in relationships. This is very very simple, and can be very very hard at the same time too.

Some people believe, every new relationship deserves a clean slate, meaning that there's no need to start narrating how water crossed the bridge in previous relationship(s), just start on a fresh page. While for others, they would want to hear every minute details of your previous ''escapades'' before they can go on the ride with you(amebo.com kind of people. Not like they can handle the truth sef oh!). A clean slate is better and easier and safer because your mind isn't already biased judging from the person's past. I mean, you liked the person without knowing his/her past (well, if it was the past that attracted you to that person, good for you), so why start asking when already in the relationship? I'm not against preliminary questions like ''who was the person?'', ''what did he do for a living?'', ''what caused the break up?'' blah blah blah. But when you start asking personal questions like ''where you guys intimate?'' (this question may not be so bad sha oh), ''how many times did you guys do the do?'', ''was there ever a case of pregnancy and did it result to an abortion?'', ''how many times?'', ''what's HIS size'' etc, then I think that's asking too much. A wiser person would just keep calm and allow the answers to all these questions come out gradually during the relationship. It always will, especially when both of you are true to each other.

Some people have found it difficult to be open in relationships because of situations they've found themselves in previously. Imagine dating the ''man of your dreams'' and because you are head over heels in love with him, you disclose all your treasured secrets of how you had four relationships before him and you were intimate with them all, or how you have had series of abortion, or how you were a former runs babe before you gave your life to Christ etc. Most guys will just look for the quickest excuse to dump your sorry ass! Now how do you expect such a girl to be open in her next relationship? She'll just lie to the next guy that she lost her virginity at five years when she was raped by an uncle and since then she has hated all guys until you walked into her life. Shikena! Omo babe will not dull herself a second time oh! She'll even fake not knowing the meaning of contraceptives sef! But can you blame her? Or how does a guy tell his babe that he has low sperm count or that his ''thing'' isn't functioning? Which girl wants to hear and live in such stories? Especially when he decides to reserve the secret till after marriage and omo babe just thought oga was against pre-marital sex. You see? Deceit everywhere!

I heard a story where a lady broke up with her guy because she noticed oga's ''Johnny'' would never stand up. NEVER OH! They were doing the no sex before marriage thingy but because they had feelings for each other, she expected that things would go UP once in a while whenever they were together, but it never did. She became curious and had to ask one day. Oga na confessed he had a problem down there. He was deceiving her all along with the no sex thing, omo babe broke up with him sharperly. (We would re-visit this issue of pre-marital sex in another post God willing.)

I believe in being fair and plain in your relationship. Saying the truth saves you a lot of strategizing and calculations and headaches and heartaches. With the truth, you don't have to think twice, it just comes out as it is, but with lies, you have to plan two decades ahead to cover up the lie, you have to live with and in the lie, the guilt you'll experience afterwards isn't nice and the fact that you're hurting someone you claim to love will haunt you for a long time, so why bother telling lies or giving partial disclosure?

I believe in full disclosure in relationships. Hear me well please, emphasis on ''in relationships''. Not in ''previous relationships''. I don't even want all those details, it wouldn't help me. But of course, if there is anything that will affect ''our'' present relationship from the past relationship(s), I'll definitely want to know all about it e.g a child, or an oath you took, or an ailment or whatever it may be. Just tell me mbok before I find out on my own.

I try to be very truthful oh because I know that I am a very bad liar. You know those people that lie now and forget the storyline the next minute, well, here I am. Welcome to my world. I can't even lie to save my life, I'll get caught. My lie stories never just add up, I'm terrible and dull like that. When you have an intelligent Boo/Babe, forget it, you'll always be caught in your own web, and lying would just be a waste of time and loss of trust. Just one question and you're already looking like a chicken drenched in the rain. So no need to even start explaining why you were trying to lie at first, just say it as it is biko. If you're not proud of it, don't do it.

So what do you think? Full disclosure or partial disclosure? Would you want to know everything about your partner's previous relationship before you get in?  What are your likely questions about your partner's past? Or would you just carry on like you're the first? Have you ever had to lie to cover your own tracks? Have you ever been caught in your own web of lies? Do you think that non-disclosure means lying? Share your thoughts in the comment session below, I want to hear all of it! Always remember that honesty is the best policy...

N.B --- 1. The other article on full disclosure as regards finance would come up tomorrow.
             2. Yaaaaaay! Tomorrow is Efoma's birthday. An ardent Barby's Diary reader and commentator. Best wishes darling. Hopefully, we'll send you a shout out tomorrow.

Catch ya!
Barby.