WISDOM IS PRICELESS

Hi BDiarians!

I was going to rant all over this space today, but I’ve decided to make a Lemonade out of the lemons that were thrown at us these few days, and just…drink and CHILL.

The world is hot mehn! The world has no chill again! There’s anger, frustration and depression everywhere. It’s like a time bomb waiting to explode! Everyone just have to be more careful, prayerful and patient, so that we don’t say things we would later regret or say things we can’t take back.

I wouldn’t bore you guys with the celebrity couple story that formed the basis of this article. It’s so distasteful and I’ll say, unnecessary to do that. For the benefit of my dear readers outside Nigeria (who don’t already know the story), I’ll say the most important thing you’ll need to take away from this article is the wisdom behind it. You wouldn’t need the foundational story, so you aren’t going to miss anything vital.

I read somewhere, that a lot of men cannot handle a woman’s success. I think so too. It’ll take a man; a secured man with a considerable level of superiority complex and contentment, to deal with his woman’s success and achievements. You know, that man who is always ‘’behind the scenes’’, but the whole world knows and recognizes his wife’s achievements and feats such that questions as to who the man is, and what he does for a living, and if his achievement is commensurate with that of his wife/partner may arise from other people.

I’ve seen situations where the man has difficulties meeting up with bread winning, and the wife offers to assist by running a business or trade, and the man vehemently refuses, because he fears that he may lose control of his wife and family should the lady as much as become slightly independent of him. You’ll be surprised that these things happen. They do.

The reasons are not far-fetched sometimes. Some women themselves cannot handle their own success. It’s easier for them to derail and have a false sense of superiority over their husbands/partners if they earn more or are more successful or popular than their husbands. Men are wired to take care of the family and be the breadwinner but when the lady for some reasons become the breadwinner, the tendency for her to ‘’misbehave’’ is there, and sometimes, she barely knows she has started tripping unless someone tells her.

A wise woman at this point is supposed to control and manage the situation. A wise woman is supposed to partner with her husband even if she is the breadwinner. A wise woman shouldn’t make her husband feel in anyway inferior to her (you don’t want a dummy for a husband you know!). A wise woman would not strip her husband of his right as ’’head’’ of the home.

A wise man however, will NEVER feel intimidated by the achievements of his woman ‘’just because…’’. A wise man will stand by, encourage, support and cheer his wife on all her achievements and feats. A wise husband will help her to achieve more and become more! A wise man knows that he is better off standing by her than in standing against her. A wise man will rather build than destroy his woman!

Wisdom is profitable to direct! It is wisdom that’ll make you do the things pride would stall you from doing. It is wisdom that will make you consider your partner as a perfect reflection of you than YOU yourself. It is wisdom that will make you take ‘’sh*t’’ because you look beyond now and see the future. It is wisdom that will make you not hurt your partner as a payback for what they did to you. It is wisdom that will make you pick your battles.

There are no couples without drama. Forget all the appearances they put up! You might be surprised that they experience more drama, and ‘’crazies’’ than you do. They are no better than you. But the ability for them to resolve issues amicably and move on like nothing happened, might just be the reason they look ‘’better’’ than you. Just be aware now that SOMEONE HAS TO ACT THE FOOL SOMETIMES OR ALL THE TIME. Yes oh! Your hubby isn’t as romantic as you expect him to be, love him anyway. Your wife doesn’t cook as much as you want her to, live with it anyway (and eat so you don’t die). Someone, just has to be the strength for the other person’s weakness and vice versa. When we are both weak for the same purpose, there’s bound to be a break somewhere. You cannot be hot tempered and I am too, it wouldn’t fit that way.

What I preach today is compromise, and the other party has to be considerate too. If I am working my butt off to fend for the family because for some reasons, you cannot get a job, the least I expect from you is for you to be considerate enough not to accumulate unnecessary bills on me. It doesn’t matter if it’s the wife or the husband making all of the money. and never forget that it is not you against your wife or husband or their families, but the both of you against the world.

We also need to address the urge people now have to expose all their private matters on social media. I’ve been there, but I try so hard to resist the urge. Sometime ago, I begged a friend of mine not to make a post about his newly acquired possession. It was really tempting not to do so. I felt guilty myself because I may have publicized the good news supposing I was in his shoes. Social media now is filled with haters rather than friends. The bring down syndrome is so high now, you’ll never have thought! Everyone has to be very careful about the details they let out there. Most people are waiting only to hear the bad news and escalate it.

Again, it is very difficult to keep quiet when someone is spreading false news about you. The temptation to reply and let your own side of the story be heard is always high. I’ve been there, and I’ve don’ dat. In my case, I sent a text back to a person who was cursing me out via numerous texts for no just cause. All I said was: ‘’you are a freak, you’re probably obsessed about me, and you need help, but I can’t help you, I’m sorry”. I really didn’t have to explain or backlash the person, in my opinion, it was totally unnecessary and would encourage a back and forth between us which I didn’t want. But trust me, I was so pissed, I wanted to punch the guy in his face! All I’m saying is that it takes a lot of self-control to resist a reply of false news, and it’s fair not to judge how a person should react with their reply because you aren’t at the receiving end. People say things to get back at you for their own insecurities.

Anyway, I hope I’ve been able to address and give my two cents on some of the issues that arose over the weekend.

Now you know my stance. What do you think?

Have a good week.

Barby.