NOT ALWAYS HOW YOU PLANNED IT

Hello beautiful people! I'm so happy to bring this good news to you. Let me be the first person to tell you that I am MARRIED! Yaaaaaaaaay!!! I truly am. Traditionally. And yes, I am married to the man of my dreams...seems so surreal and BOOM! at the same time.

But that's not why we are here anyway. Let me give you the full gist of the relationship from the beginning. How it all started. Because you deserve to hear it from me and I share the little deets about my life with you innit?

I'm sure MJ (My Jewel) will be like, ''naaaaaaaa, baby, you did not just say you want to discuss our private matters with your readers''. Yeah honey, I did say that. I am a blogger remember? I am about to wash our sparkling linen outside for the world to see. *tongue out*

Or maybe I should just write my own ''On Becoming'' book (my Nigerian readers will understand better)? I'll try to be brief though, so I don't spill all the juices, in case I change my mind and I want to publish a book on my life's journey. Trust me, I have a lot to write about.

So, my dear people...you know how a lady fantasises about how she'll meet her knight in shining armour and how everything will be cloud 9 from day 1? Well, I didn't have that at the beginning of my relationship with MJ. I didn't even get to enjoy the ''toasting, ''scheming'' and ''wooing'' that usually precedes a relationship. I got the regular toasting, phone calls, text messages et al... but not the over-the-board type where you get to curl up in your bed at night, smile, reminisce on words he said all days and feel like you are on wavy waters. No, I didn't get that type. I actually started off my relationship with MJ like a war zone. It was flaming fires from day 1. Hot, hot fire. And not the kind of love hot fire oh, it was raging fire (you get the graphic photo now abi?). We were already at loggerheads from day zero. Sounds strange right? Let me try to break it down for you...

I met MJ in my early years at University. I had quite a number of ''toasters'' in my first year on campus, and I watched them come and go and I was indifferent about them. You see, my two good friends in my first year were visibly concerned, they thought I was a snub and too uptight and I needed to loosen up a bit. ''Haba Barbara, so you mean, you don't like any one of them?'' and I'm like, No! Fast forward, to my second year, the unimaginable happened. I met a handsome, cute, dark chocolate skinned young man (who would later become my husband), and my life changed forever.

I remember one of his then close friends and my friend too introduced him to me (MJ was in absentia at the time of introduction), ''Barby, you have to meet one of my friends who just joined us, he's such a great guy and you two will get along pretty much''. I never knew it was the same guy I had seen earlier in class and who caught my attention. I'll tell you why. He is left-handed like myself and I immediately noticed that from his gestures whilst he was talking to his friends one day. I must have told his friend that I wasn't looking for a relationship, because our conversation about him did not go beyond that. We got on to some other gist. Interestingly, on the first day MJ called me up, on a Friday evening, I was on my way to see a boyfriend (yeah right). In retrospect now, I want to laugh my brains out because I literally told my husband over the phone that I was going to see my boyfriend and he (my husband) could wait till I got back! Duuuuuuh, I gat the keys! *in DJ Khaled's voice*

So I got back, and we had a first date (this should make another good post. Stay put!) and several dates followed wherein we got to know ourselves better. MJ is such a charmer. Super smart and very real! That realness got me on 100% lockdown and I was blown away. I was head over heels in sync with this guy! And then, he told me he had a girlfriend. Yeah, he did. I was aware. But, there was so much likeness between us already, so we just kept cool and watched things unfold. One thing we both were sure of was that we liked each other. Maybe, I, a little more.

The fire from the ''world'' began to burn really hot. Everybody and anybody had something to say about this our new ''relationship''. They didn't even allow us to be great and enjoy our moments. I was at the receiving end. I would walk into a room full of people, and their piercing eyes will literally be staring at my soul. The voltrons and ''girlfriend's boyfriend keepers'' swarm into action and were ready to kill for their friend. Poor me, I was in the middle of a war and didn't even know how to work a sword or fight. I was helpless, I fell sick so many times, lost appetite for food and became irritant. MJ was super helpless too. Only the two of us understood ourselves (sometimes I was irrational, I admit) and we couldn't even explain to the world the attraction and bond between us that they couldn't separate. On several occasions, I told myself that I was done with the madness. I told him so too. It was crazy mehn, I was in pain and academics was also suffering. I had ''relationship experts'' from everywhere around campus coming to say all sorts to me (people that will barely have spoken to me normally because I was ''uptight'' and I don't do games) Everyone felt they had an opinion about my life and MJ's. Some were more into coming close to get all the juicy details about what was going on, than to proffer solution to our ''problem''. I had had enough and I told MJ we couldn't do this. I was too much for such pettiness. I was too much for such drama and small side talks whenever I pass by. I mean, my campus was a small one, so news spread like wildfire around. We were trending. But for all the right reasons. Barbara had literally stepped on fire and she had to get burned! I was even getting threatening text messages and calls from all and sundry...and yeah, all of them were from ladies like myself.

I'm in between a ''tell-all'' and a ''don't reveal too much deets'' stage. Now this is pretty difficult, but I'll try to say so much without necessarily evading our space.

I don't say this so much, but I really really admire MJ's stance all through the phase. No, he didn't stand by me like I wanted him to (I'm not sure you'll understand how I mean when I said that, but you don't have to) but he stood by the truth and fairness, and that even endeared me to him the more. He didn't want to hurt anyone. Not me, not any other person, and not himself too. But we (MJ and I) knew what we wanted, and not so long from then, we were in our comfortable place, free from all the drama and confusion (I admit, I jumped a lotta gist here. I'm trying not to make this article too lenghty). This post can never do justice to that phase of my life, and nobody can truly live through the story I am trying to describe by just reading this post. You cannot fully imagine it!Looking back now, it was really hell on campus then though. I'm sure my elder sisters would have slapped me from my self imposed love-craze if they knew all that when down in the beginning.

Here I am now, writing all about it like it was nothing and even laughing over it with MJ whenever we have the talk. Having to talk about it with him made me even understand our situation then better, and made him understand the depth of my hurt. I was deeply burned inside of me, and even after we were at our comfortable place with each other, I would snap at the slightest provocation from him. I was not only snapping, I hit him severally (nobody should mention DV here or report me to social services) and throw things at him. It was the pain from the past. He became terrified. It actually took him to do something, before I let it all go. I'm completely free now and I can say so myself.

You see, one time, when MJ was still my bf, but we were already more than 5 years together, his family had a party and some of his friends from way back campus days were in attendance. An ex-gf of his was also there, and I was making them comfortable as their host (hell yeah, I was their host). Someone got talking and was surprised I knew there was an ex-gf at table with us and I was being all so nice. In fact, some of the ''accusers'' from way back were there, right in my face. This life! Really a small place. I just smiled and told them...'I'm very much aware, MJ told me, but I'm in a happy place, I can't be bothered''.

I really could not be bothered at that stage of my life. I had already exhausted myself at the early stage of the relationship and at that point, almost six years later, we both knew what we wanted. We had fought so much for this our love ehn, it felt like ''bring it on'', we're here for you, life! I already know the kind of battles I was willing to fight and I knew MJ understood that as well, so we barely had those kind of issues with each other.

Imagine the surprise on people's faces when they found out we were getting married? Whaaaaaaaaat! Like seriously? Yeah, like seriously and I am proud in every way. Not because I have something to prove to the world, but because our love conquered it all. Our love won. He is now my ''husband'' and I'm his wife. Even though we both agree that these terms are too serious for us. Please what can we call ourselves that'll make us not sound like we are in our 70s? Suggestions please?

Would I want to go through that phase again even though I know the end result will be this??? Hell No!, love and life doesn't have to be that painful nau. I'll just kidnap MJ @ 10 years old (and I'll have been barely * years old) and we'll elope. Yeah, child abuse sturvs. Lol.

Forget all I have said above, the following paragraph is the main deal and what I want you to take away from this article...

Relationships, and by extension, life, always doesn't play out as you want it to or imagine it to be. For some people, the beginning is all rosy and sweet. For others, the beginning is tough and turbulent and like a roller coaster. In all, it's the destination that matters. We all cannot start the same way, we all cannot have the same story. It doesn't mean your journey is less important, it doesn't mean your journey is not worth it to take. It just means that life happens and we roll with it, not always how you planned it, but if you're strong willed, the destination will be the same as you imagined it. I can safely say that all the romantics I thought I missed out at the beginning of my relationship, I have it all now and the reality is that it is FOREVER!

FalztheBahdGuy said that; no be who collect extra sheet, naim dey carry first for class. Profound. That's the summary of life. I really cannot imagine my life if I had not followed through the rough phase. I don't even want to think about it. And I care less about what the other side would have held without MJ. I am happy where I am today...and yes, I married my BEST FRIEND.

If life throws you lemons, make lemonades.

Mwah,
Barby.