HOW TO DEAL WITH AN OFFICE CRUSH

Hello February!

Hi Guys, so I’m thinking I can still say ‘’Happy New Month’’ to you even though we are few days into the month already. Pardon my manners…procrastination is a big b**ch. By now, you should know that I’ll never abandoned you beautiful bloghearts. The heart knows where it belongs. This is where my heart belongs, and where my many secrets are safe. I’ll always come back, however far I seem to go. Please don’t get used to not coming on the blog. Never get used to it please.

That being said, let’s delve into today’s topic without wasting further time…

HOW TO DEAL WITH AN OFFICE CRUSH.

This can happen both ways; a female boss who is literally on the throat of one of her male employees or a male boss who makes that lady in the office uncomfortable because of his many stares, comments and remarks…

Trust me, if you’ve not had to deal with any of these mentioned above, you’re a lucky one! Many employees have to go through these every single day they step their Loubs/Sophia Webster/ Zara/Prada/Tom Ford/ Eyez (a friend make these ones, and they are near perfect!) shoes into their office.

There’s always a ‘’but’’ to this. If your office crush is an unmarried man/woman (even though older) and a sincere one, whom you think you guys can work something out, good luck with you. We have heard of situations where relationships spring up in offices and eventually lead to marriages or not…well, kudos to you. This article isn’t about those ones, but please don’t stop reading. I’m directing this article to those MARRIED bosses with a wife /husband and kids, who still wink at that cute office secretary or that ‘’dapper in suit’’ marketer. You know those ones that leave you sweet notes at your desk, or makes it a chore each day to complement your outfit in a seductive way, or adjusts your tie when you alone in her office, or gives you that stare that can rob you of all you are wearing, they generally make you uncomfortable around them…yeah, those ones. These bosses are out to ‘’steal, kill and destroy’’! You have to RUN!!!

Be wise, I don’t mean the moment he winks at you or the moment she complements your outfit, you should pick up your bags and run out…not that way. Everything in this life has to be done with sense (‘’akanuche’’  I hope I didn’t just fail my first Ibo test). You have to apply wisdom! Except you have a good job elsewhere, and unless you are being threatened by the ‘’crushing’’ boss to do stuffs your good morals wouldn’t let you do, you shouldn’t run away, and I don’t advice you blackmail him/her either. I’ll advice you leave, after you must have spoken to God in prayer about it. Hard teaching? I know! How do I leave my well paid job because of a pervert? He or she should be the person leaving because I can easily set a trap that they’ll fall into and report them to management, yeah? I know that feeling! But you shouldn’t. If you’ll have to leave your well paid job for no reason of yours but just because someone else has chosen to act below professional standards and made working uncomfortable and miserable for you, the fight isn’t yours anymore. It is God’s. Watch out what happens next in your life and in that person’s. Trust me on this one, I can give you life instances but that’ll be driving the point too far right? I think so too…Never lower your standards to accommodate a person’s unruly behavior.

NOTE: The last paragraph you just read would be a LAST RESORT, I repeat; LAST RESORT. Let’s discuss other ways we can overcome these nuisance (pardon my French)…

First and foremost, you have to check yourself. Yeah, you heard me right! Have I been dressing seductively? Have I been sending wrong signals? I know that sometimes it goes beyond the clothes, the shoes and the makeup or your mannerism (the problem more often than not is with them and not YOU). For instance, I like to look my best before I step out. I wouldn’t change that because someone decides to be turned on by my appearance? I also try to be very polite and professional in dealing with people especially as it relates to work (it comes with the entire package nau! You cannot be cute, good looking and rude, nah! You’ll ruin all your beauty and dressing, be an entire package! Speak politely and be courteous always). So, if you wear revealing outfits or micro minis, you might just be sending the wrong signals. You’ll need to work on that first.

Next, you have to be clear about what you want. If you want a relationship with your married boss because you feel there goes your ticket to growth in the company, kudos to you. I wouldn’t judge you. Just a quick question though, what happens when oga gets transferred or moves to another company or retires or worse case, drops dead? How do you retrieve the surrendered cookies? Just asking… So when those love notes starts appearing on your desks, or those winks start passing, or you catch them staring long and hard and in a seductive manner, you have to be firm and nip it in the bud. It’s easier this way than when the madness has accelerated into something else. Trust me; you have to be courageous enough to do so. At this point, they are more afraid of rejection and embarrassment than your fear of losing your job. When you catch their eyes, politely ask like an innocent child if there’s a problem and for the notes, why they keep appearing on your desk. From their response, you should be able to follow up firmly that you feel uncomfortable and you’ll want an end to it.

In the meantime, stay professional. You need your job don’t you? And you don’t want to be caught talking to your boss rudely, neither do you want your boss to switch the crush immediately to hatred because of your approach thereby making work difficult for you. You wouldn’t want that. So be civil and polite and professional. Establish boundaries.

If it persists, I think you should talk to someone. A trusted colleague. And I mean TRUSTED. I’m even scared writing this! Yes oh! Because some peeps are terrible. Uwa diegwu! (ask an Igbo person to interpret that for you please) They’ll judge you, laugh behind your back, snitch to your ‘’crushed’’ boss, and do all sorts to get you outta your job. Personally, I’ll love to handle these situations alone and have my sisters and mum and Le Boo in the know (I can trust these ones). I’ll rather just keep the love notes, text messages, emails etc for reference if need be. It’s always good you have your evidences. If you have replied messages declining interest in their advances, keep these too. You just never can tell with the desperate ones. And again, their messages may fall into the wrong hands, or their drama queen wives/husband may cause a scene at the office one day and you’ll have some explaining to do to your company’s management or disciplinary committee.

Lest I forget, no need going on those silly dates with oga/madam crush even though he/she claims they are past crushing on you. No need abeg. Preserve your dignity. Don’t get too familiar, lest they pick up from where they dropped off and your mind starts giving you multiple conflicting signals. You can buy yourself that lunch, or pay that movie ticket, or attend that concert or whatever gimmicks they’ll try to use to get you.

Lastly, never forget that it is never good to mix romance and work. It affects productivity. The business in the long run suffers. It is never a good step. Work is work, play is play. I’ll never advice it. Except one gives room for the other. The two cannot function under the same environment. And if you’re reading this now, and you’re the crushing boss, just stop already! Even if you are unmarried and she doesn’t like you, you shouldn’t keep making her uncomfortable where she spends most hours in the day.

I hope these few tips have been useful? You can share your stories and how you were able to work around it. I’ll be glad to hear from you too!

It feels so good to write after a long time…and hey, how’s the valentine gon’ be?

Love,

Barby.