THE MARRIAGE SERIES 1: WHEN WE STARTED

So I’m not talking about how my husband and I met, I already wrote about that here.

Today’s article is basically on when we started planning on getting married. We got to a point in our relationship where we both realized that we wanted to be together for the long haul and forever. Note that this wasn’t based on how long we had dated (at this time, we were six years and counting). It was based on a mutual feeling and desire to live together as husband and wife, raise a family and experience life together.

We had the long talk, one Easter break in 2015 (yes, and we are not getting married until, 2017! Keyword is PLAN AHEAD), middle of NYSC programme and we both decided that our wedding wasn’t taking place that year or the next. We jointly decided that we were going for an LLM (Masters in Law) degree, get a good job and then get married soon after. We had it all figured out…or so we thought.

Life happened. MJ got admitted to run his LLM, I didn’t. However, my place of primary assignment retained me soon after my NYSC and I continued working there, whilst MJ was schooling and working in different towns. Truth be told, keeping the relationship active was tough for both of us as we were in different cities, but never for once did we think of quitting, nor were there trust issues. Our major issues were basically about us, and never about someone else. We knew were we were headed and so we were focused to achieve it.

Fast forward to August 2016, MJ informed me of his desire to see my Dad and declare his marriage intentions. Interestingly, we were going for the NBA conference holding in the same town as where my Dad resides due to work, and we fixed a meeting with him. I really can’t remember how I told my Dad that my boyfriend was coming to see him, but l can bet the conversation via phone was awkward. I do not come from a family were you discuss these ‘’stuffs’’ with your Dad before it is actually happening, so good luck to all of you who had that relationship with your parents! But I think I’ll love to have this discussion with my kids.

One good day, same August 2016, we both went to see my Dad along with Chuks and his wife (our good friends and MJ’s colleague at work), and Daddy welcomed us with open arms. MJ stated the reason for the visit and the plans ahead. My Dad was happy and offered his advice and encouraged us and asked that we keep in touch.

And so since we both had our parents’ consent, our journey to #BACH2017 began.

MJ and I were very intentional about our wedding plans and very realistic too. We were definitely not allowing anyone pressure us into some unrealistic plans, neither were we putting ourselves on edge to achieve what we wanted. We knew our budget, we knew the funds available at our disposal, and we streamlined every plan to suit our purpose.

So, after our engagement on the 23^rd of December, 2016 (another post on this soon!), we planned our introduction ceremony (both families formally meeting each other) for April, 2017 and our traditional/white wedding for September, 2017. Truthfully, we had to answer so many questions about why the dates were so far apart, but we really didn’t care about what the naysayers thought about it. We agreed together and we were sticking to our agreement together (KEYWORD: TOGETHER).

MJ and I are Deltans but from different tribes. He is Isoko, I am Delta Ibo, and so his family and he were super excited to visit my village and know where their wife-to-be is from. However, this didn’t quite work-out as they wished, so we had to have both the introduction/traditional wedding in Lagos in April 2017. I blogged about it here.

Subsequently, we had to modify our plans once again and include a registry wedding which was initially not part of the plan but was equally necessary for some personal reasons. On the 10^th of August, 2017, I formally became Mrs. Barbara Chineye Charles Omo-Odudu.

Please remind me blog readers! My last paragraph has two separate topics for another day. Our registry wedding is one, and change of name is another. We need to elaborate on these two someday and in this series.

Fast-forward to today, and I look forward to my church wedding sometime in September this year by God’s grace…trust me, we have a lot of catching up to do on the blog. I know we’ve been quite sloppy since December last year. I got engaged, and my life changed totally. Everything is happening so fast and I’m enjoying every bit of it. But trust me, it is not as simple as it is. It isn’t.

So please take three things from this article: One, joint agreement. Two; plan ahead. Three; Be realistic and always be on the same page throughout the process and all through the marriage. You'll be surprise what a great force both of you can be when you are in agreement.

Till I come your way again,

Barby.