OF COMMITMENT AND STUPIDITY

Today is one of those rare occasions when I have no idea as to what this article's title should be, even though I have thought it through for a while. No befitting title comes to my head. One of the reason for this is because I'm kinda pissed...Not with you guys, not with myself, but with the story that forms the background of this article.

I'm sure some of the media savvy people here might have read it somewhere, or heard about it from someone. I knew there was fire on the mountain somewhere, but I never really took my time to read what the hullabaloo was all about (reading is educating really. Never ignore any piece of information you see, you never know how it will help you, or what information you're missing out on). This story is a crazy one, so I'll try to share as best as I can. Note that it is just going to form a background to the major discussion on commitments (YES! We just found a title. Thank God.)

A certain celebrity couple had a major commitment. Let me break it down for you guys...they WERE NOT married. just dating. But the lady happened to be pregnant for him, and they agreed to have the baby, but that would be the last, as they already had a kid before this one. To make permanent their promise to stop having kids, they both agreed for the lady to tie her tubes, while the man would have a vasectomy. Both procedures have a 80% chance of preventing pregnancy and in the long run, having kids.

Tori neva finish oh...

On the day the lady had the baby, the process of tying her tube was done almost immediately, and her boyfriend was there to witness it all. Fast forward to some months after, the two lovebirds could not sustain the relationship anymore, and they had to part ways. The guy met another lady and within months, married the new lady, the new lady became pregnant and they now have a kid together. That was when it dawned on the former girlfriend that her then boyfriend did not have a vasectomy. Triple jeopardy for her. She'll possibly never have kids anymore, she lost the relationship, she lost her womb too! The guy won...he has another baby, he has a new relationship, he has his ''package'' intact and can have a million babies from now till the end of the world if he so desires!!!

Now, I can't deal with stories as silly as these. I just can't. And as much as I hate to say that men are deceitful, I sincerely think it is callous for you to feign ''forgetting'' after I have had my tubes tied. I don't even know who has the most blame here. But there's a valid lesson to be learnt here:
NEVER MAKE PERMANENT DECISIONS WITH TEMPORARY SITUATIONS. NEVER! JUST NEVER!
It doesn't make you less trustworthy, it doesn't mean you do not love the person as much, it just means that life happens and life can happen.

I've heard stories, and I wonder if women (especially) do not learn. Or maybe we are just gullible? Or we love hard? You cannot blame us for loving hard though, maybe we should start loving smart while we are at it.

On this blog, we have been able to successfully establish that love is not all that matters, other things  add up to make everything beautiful. Common sense is one of them. How do you remove something as serious as a vital organ for someone as temporary as a boyfriend? It beats me seriously. And yes, a boyfriend or fiancé is temporal because you either make it permanent, or you lose it (some husbands are even temporal these days sef).

In my opinion, I strongly believe there should be a limit to commitments especially where it concerns a relationship and not marriage. If you make some decision whilst married and things do not work as planned, you can be pardoned for your mistake. But when you begin to act marriage with your boyfriend, by removing your eyes or making some other major life decisions that can make or mar your life in future, O-Y-O is your case.

Don't get me wrong. This has got nothing to do with being unfaithful to one partner, or having to make little compromises here and there for the benefit of the relationship. You should be able to borrow your boyfriend some money to start up a new project that has great prospects, your bf should be able to buy you a car if he has the financial resources to do it, you can also donate a kidney here and there, but that's because you have a spare (I rebuke this situation in your life in Jesus name). In this situation, if the relationship does not work out, you can let it go, and everyone can still go home happy with their heads and legs intact.

I've heard people still do the oath taking thing to secure their relationship. Hehehe I laugh in short hand. Don't be fooled oh. It's the biggest joke ever. If it is that one, please cheat and come and be going, rather than take me to one jazzman to say that if he cheats, he should run mad. Of what use is he to me if he runs mad?

There's a thin line between commitment and foolishness. Very thin line.

I'm trying to think of any time when I have been deceived to do something to show my commitment to a relationship...sincerely, I cannot recall any. For instance, I cannot leave my job and family in Nigeria and travel to the US because one guy there promised to marry me. I'm sorry, I can't. Marry me first mbok. Or maybe borrow my life savings to a guy to buy a house we would live in when we get married (Huh? This one is even very shameful. If we end up not getting married nko? Do I kick him out? With what proof?). I know I've lent a certain dude some cash long ago, but I made it an amount I could forfeit incase he didn't pay back. And no, he wasn't a boyfriend. And yes, he paid back and I collected my money. Shikena.

In this thing called love, you have to be wise oh. So that it is not your story people would be using as a learning point. When next you see that lady being cautious before taking that step, don't blame her, she is just protecting her end too. And when that young man holds up before doing the needful, don't think he loves you less, he may just be evaluating the situation first.

So what crazy thing have you done in the name of commitment? Please share with us, we wouldn't judge you. I just hope this story will help you make rational decisions next time...

Love, love.
Barby.

Comments

  1. Barbie if I saw u right away I wuld "dish-a-Miss-a-french kiss straight up! Sorry a peck jaare.. mhen I luv ur construction,it rily inspires me n makes my fingers itchy..and to ur topic,I concur wholesomely cos' u didn't sound biased.. the lady displayed massive foolhardy.the funniest av done,i think it's buying val gift with my "last card" in high skool��. Yes I was broke afterwards and no I didn't tax any junior student(wasnt a bully) just lived it up and recovered in no tym.. buh I swore it wuld neva repeat itself ��
    Ugo.

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    1. HI Ugo, thanks for being here. I know you love to write too, so I'll be more than privileged to have you as a guest writer. Lol @ ur commitment story...daz some real sh*t! Which guy didn't do that anyway? So how did it go? Did you impress the girl? We'll love to know!

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  2. I have always been a great fan of your objectiveness and so far you are yet to disappoint me. To seek help or assistance from a lady self is emasculating enough for me now, most of us ve had our fair share of stupid sacrifice camouflaged in silly commitment. Nice write-up

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    1. @ Lateef, thanks a lot. I think it is emasculating too, especially when there are no strings attached with the lady (maybe as a close friend or in a relationship)...and some guys do it with so much pride, I'll almost want to give them a lecture on being a total man. Whew! It's such a huge turn off.

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  3. 'Borrow ur bf money to buy a house ul live in when u get married'....'of what use is he to me if he runs mad'....these lines are bursting my head. I cant just stop laughing...funny things pple do in d name of love. I dare say 70 percent of us are guilty of it...no matter hw wise u r or look, or no matter d books u read, no matter your degrees., love matters na different matter...we should all pray nd hope dt our foolishness will be worth it at d end of d day. If nt, like barby said, OYO is ur case oh...i hv done a couple of foolish things, ht honestly,i hv njoyed all d foolishness to d fullest...

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    1. LOL...OYO is your case oh! Like you said, the only compensation for foolishness is if it is worth it at the end.

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  4. I believe most guys did the last money for Valentine thing. At that age, I don't actually consider it stupidity. I had a particular girl at a time, who did all sorts of unprintable stuffs just to please me. It didn't make me like her more and it didn't prevent me from jilting her then. We shouldn't allow our love to be foolish.

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    1. You see? So with all her efforts, she couldn't keep you! Imagine how less committed she may be in her next relationship...once bitten, twice (or forever sef) shy. Personally, I can compromise here and there just to make things work but it has to be justifiable and worth it.

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  5. Never underestimate the tendency of a woman to act contrary to her best interest.
    Its our natural order, we do it over and over again. We cant escape it, even the littlest of things. "Its ok i'll change my schedule " "its fine i have some at home" "i'll come meet you instead" "i'll make something else for you to eat" "i'll buy mine nextime" "I'll wait up for you".. Etc, quantifying it doesn't change the fact that we all do it.
    Only a few of us have learnt to weigh how rational these decisions are. Whats in it for me? What i got to lose? Only a few have learnt to be almost as selfish as men, i can say IT PAYS OFF.

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    1. Wise words Katty. I also think we were wired to act this way sometimes. We just have to be very careful so we don't burn our hands in the process. Thanks!

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  6. Barbie girl,ds write up toh bad.my dear ds luv mata sha.lol,bt on a seruz note don't think or remember doing any foolish tin o.d reverse is d case,'ve got dem doing it 4 me bk in d days.babes mk una wise up guys 2 bad

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    1. Lol, I trust you well Aunt FG. I'm taking notes from you...ladies (especially) have to be wise, because it looks like we are the most hit when it happens.

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  7. Barbie girl,ds write up toh bad.my dear ds luv mata sha.lol,bt on a seruz note don't think or remember doing any foolish tin o.d reverse is d case,'ve got dem doing it 4 me bk in d days.babes mk una wise up guys 2 bad

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  8. thumbs up barby!Nice one. i have been waiting for this article I swear,well truthfully i would say the only form of commitment i have ever showed a man is to be faithful to him, and i feel no regrets atall based on the fact that it didn't work out with the wrong person, because faithfulness will definitely be a wonderful journey to experience with the right person. (thats my commitment story) lolz! back to the trending topic of the day, of a truth women need to love with their heart ,and think with their brain ,two days ago i read an article on Linda ikeji's blog, where she posted a write up about a relationship advice written by(Toolz, the popular TV presenter) and i quote "when your man tells you he needs a break, tell him you have heard, and on your own take a day off, go to his parents house , discuss asheobi colours with the mum, cook lunch for the dad and take it to his office, visit the younger ones in school, by so doing he wouldn't have the guts to spend time with the lady he ought to have been with in the disguise of taking a break with you" When i saw this post, i continued shaking my head until my neck began to ache, in fact i had tears in my eyes,, then i thought "how demeaning " what an unpleasant advice to give" and when i read the comments below i discovered that alot of ladies concurred. hmmm! what am i trying to say in essence is that, the rate at which some ladies handle relationships these days is overwhelming, some of them get battered in the process, even killed sef, some take blood oaths in diabolic arenas, and what have we Haba!!!!! it is well ooooooo ladies please let us have some sense, biko. am not saying we cannot love a man with all our hearts and be committed to him in some way, but all am saying is that our love should be guided with sense and direction, we shouldnt eviscerate ourselves of all the precious things in life because you want to make a man love you, you dont force love, you let love lead........Peace!

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    1. Awww!So you've been waiting for this article and I have been waiting for your comment. LOL. It was worth the length. I agree with you, faithfulness is the best commitment. And do you know I just learnt a new word? ''eviscerate''. I looked it up immediately. About that ish with Toolz, I think she was just being sarcastic, even though I know some persons would take it to heart and want to experiment. Like you clearly stated, let love lead, don't force it.
      Thanks dear!

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  9. So much to say...The truth of the matter is, no matter how deep your love is,there are certain decisions to be taken as individuals in relationships. Let's leave being unmarried, oath taking and others aside,what if either of the spouses dies after marriage. It restricts your chances of moving on. Blame games aside, each individual must learn that certain decisions impact u for life. Decisions that will be irreversible must be made strictly of your own accord coz love is a beautiful thing but in certain instances it's also on a borderline a thin love hate dimension. What if you guys divorce? Flippant decisions should not be made with lifelong issues whether it be boyfriend or married people. Even a tattoo can remind u of a lifelong mistake. I can't imagine seeing a tattoo of an ex boyfriend on my girl for instance. I don't think I can truly ever believe she can get over him. I will forever feel the shadow is over us loomingly. We all should just recieve sense and pray for it. Great piece as always Barbie

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    1. J, you got me on that tattoo ish! Who does that??? But they do oh! We all should receive sense finally. Thanks for cracking me up with your comment.

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Barby.

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