DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Just recently, I was gisting with Le Boo and I told him a story of a particular neighbor my family once had. You see, this man (Mr All Weather) was a chronic womanizer, he loved all types; dark, fair, chocolate, tall, short, fat, slim, long hair, short hair, bald, figure 8, ''tirin gbeku''...you name it! We saw them come in and go out everyday. To be fair to him, he was never married, but he had a ''stable'' relationship with a beautiful woman for say; five years and it produced two cute lil girls. He always beat the woman at every given chance (maybe even for breathing sef) and the relationship didn't last. The woman went away with her two girls. Mr All Weather didn't care, he didn't change either, he moved unto the next. Another fine woman who was a second neighbour's friend soon caught his attention, second neighbor warned fine woman of the dangers in plying that '''road'', fine woman didn't listen, I think she felt second neighbor was an ''enemy of progress'', so she ventured into a relationship with Mr All Weather, before long, they became live-in partners and had a son. Mr All Weather changed though, but for the worse. We'll always hear hot slaps, metals flinging, and all sorts from their flat. The resultant effect was that fine woman was never fine again oh, she feared to come outside because of the damage on her pretty face. The hospital was a constant abode for her. Mr All Weather will apologise today and beat her mercilessly tomorrow. After three years of torture, Mr All Weather goes to work one morning, and the next thing we hear is a loud noise in front of the gate, we peep and see a big truck coming to move things. Madam fine woman moves ev'rything from the house and RUNS away. She and her son were never seen around the environs again. Before one ''amebo'' could informed Mr All Weather of the drama and he rushes down, Madam Fine woman and her son don vamoose.

Sounds like a good Nollywood script shey? My dear, this is a real life story oh! Happened before my very eyes and under my very nose.

Domestic Violence. No reason given can justify why a man should lay his hand on another woman. (Let's be true to ourselves, the other way round seldom happens). If you are a man that beats a woman and you're reading this, shame on you and all that you stand for!!! Yes oh, I said so. It speaks volume of the kind of person you are and your breed. Na you born am? Is she a goat? She is someone's daughter, sister, mother, and friend. If you have any respect for these people, you will not want to hurt their own. This is someone you married and profess undying love to and for, and you subject that person to such torture??? Haba! Believe me, you may be lucky that she hasn't died yet, but she has died so many deaths already; psychological, mental, emotional...you name it!

It is unimaginable, and you wouldn't want to be at the mercy of an abuser, they have no mercy! They can kill and if you love yourself, you'll take to your heels. If he is so good at throwing punch, he should go to the  boxing ring and make a career out of it like Mayweather and Pacquiao. Don't turn your wives to punching bags. This one is even for married folks. What of single guys and girls who are in relationships and the girl still enjoys going home each day with a red eye or swollen lip? How do you explain that? Dem swear for you? Is your placenta tied there? Is he your savior? It is beyond my imagination really. If your partner is a woman beater, you will know, except you want to keep lying to yourself. As a single girl, yours is easy, just walk away while you still can.


The married ones may have a dicey situation, especially when kids are involved. Truthfully, it will be hard leaving your two year baby with a violent man, who may marry another woman and turn your kid into a modern day slave. They may even feed your kid with all manner of information and turn your kid against you. I understand all of that and the peculiarity of their situation. But you also have to be ALIVE and WELL to enjoy YOUR LIFE and your children and your children's children. You shouldn't die when it is not your time to die, you shouldn't die another person's death. Now, you may think this is extreme, but, he may have beaten you severally and you came out of it alive after many medications, so you think you're a survivor, you might not be so lucky with the next ''small'' push and before you know it, you're with the angels and saints in heaven chorusing ''Halleluyah''. Who you help then? Oga woman beater will be flexing earth with a new Bae.

My advice to married folks; make sure you have a means of earning money; be it corporate work or business. Men respect women more when they know she has some kind of financial independence. Secondly, observe your man, you know things that easily infuriates him, stop doing it, it doesn't take anything from you. He loves to argue and when you respond, the punches start flying, don't even give him the chance to, when he starts, give him space. Men, if your wives get on your nerves, just walk to another room and hold your peace (I don't advice driving out, because at that point, the mind isn't settled). Iron issues out without raising your voices, it is even embarrassing that neighbors know all is not well within the household. Saying ''SORRY'' shouldn't be so much of a big deal really, if that will settle the matter, why not say it? Have a forgiving spirit. I have come to understand that bearing grudges against a person overtime can lead to hatred which may result into fights, so when there is an issue, talk about it immediately and let it end there, don't carry the bitterness of yesterday into today, forgive and move ahead. There was a time I had a grudge against a person, interestingly, we kept talking, but I found out that for the slightest quarrel, I was quick to throw a pillow or scatter the whole place or even hit...yes oh! I used to be that kind of person. I became someone I never was, if I got angry, I did the unthinkable and I hated myself each time I was done, but when I forgave and began to live a grudge-free life, I became better, I saw life differently, I stopped doing the demons. LOL.

However, if your partner doesn't change, I advice that both of you take some time apart, you can leave with your kid, you MAY go to your family house (but I don't support it), go on vacation somewhere and live life to the fullest (responsibly). Don't compromise by jumping in with another married man to pay your husband back. Just go somewhere nice and good to cool off. Within the period, re-evaluate your life and your marriage, find that spark that was once there but which has been lost. Both of you can attend therapy sessions and counseling together and separately. Decide whether your marriage is worth your life or your death...

I also think society is not fair on divorcees and separated couples and that's why people would rather be married and live in a violent household than leave the marriage and be stigmatized by society.

So what couple drama have you experienced in your neighborhood? When do you draw the curtains and say you have had enough? Do you think society is unfair to divorcees and separated couples? How do we stop domestic violence in marriages?

We'll love to hear from you...
Barby.