FOR THE LOVE OF CHEATING...
Hi Fam! Thanks for always being that family I can run to and we can talk about everything and anything. I appreciate you all. How was the weekend for you?
It's funny right, one minute, it's Friday and you feel Monday is so far away only for it to just show up in your face like that. Sorry to break the not so good news to you, the weekend is over, Monday is here and the grind continues...the hustle is real.
If you're in Nigeria and conversant with happenings around you especially via social media, you may have heard many stories this weekend. All these have inspired so many interesting articles which in the course of the week, I'll try to write on. However, there was a story making rounds about a cheating husband who got his ex girlfriend pregnant. The celebrity wife is the victim in this case. The couple have been together for over a decade before they eventually got married, and from what we hear too, the cheating husband may have been with this ex for well over eight years too. So he was kinda running a concurrent relationship with both ladies. Meanwhile, Nigerians have got no chill at all oh, they've been dragging this guy all over twitter and instagram since the news broke! Now I'll try not to make this article about them because the story is still unconfirmed and husband and wife has decided not to fan the flames of the rumors; they've been mute about it. Also, the wife who happens to be a popular figure in the social society in Nigeria, is someone I hold in high esteem because of the boundaries she has been able to break through and the passion she has for her career and God. I must have mentioned her name in one or two of my articles, so I wouldn't mention their names here...
Now I digress.
Cheating in relationships isn't a new topic, nor is it new in marriages and relationships. I am almost tempted to leave relationships out of this discussion but I want to think that cheating in relationships begets cheating in marriages, you most certainly saw the warning signals but chose to ignore it. If you condone a cheating spouse while in a relationship, the probability is high that that spouse may continue and even become worse in marriage.
Everywhere you go, you hear of cheating on different levels, it has almost become the air we breathe! Recently, I heard a story of how a Pastor died and at his funeral, a woman and three kids surfaced. The oldest of the kids was 25 years at the time and the youngest was 17 years. They were the biological children to the deceased Pastor who kept his other family far away in another city. Pastor cheated on his wife for well over twenty five years and even went to the grave with his secret. Men, I hail!
Society has made this ugly cause of many broken marriages look normal, such that, a guy feels it is his birth right to be promiscuous. ''I cheat, so what? Is that anything new?'' It has become so bad that, if you are a guy and you don't cheat, you are not a ''guy man'' (whatever the hell that means). So wrong on all levels! Please there are still some good men out there that don't cheat and they don't need to cheat to prove a point to any man or their group of friends about their social status. If you are that man and you are reading this, God bless you!
Before I go too far and forget the basics, please dear friends, if you are a MARRIED man or woman, and you CHEAT on your spouse, for whatever reason, JUST STOP ALREADY, turn to God and desist from your adultery. Don't bring the wrath of God upon you.
Some days ago, a writer said that perhaps if people where to take their marital vows before ''juju'' or all the other gods, they'll be more faithful and desist from cheating. I couldn't agree less, imagine what a juju will do to you if you dare lust in your heart over another woman not to talk of hitting on her in real life?. People are really taking God for granted oh! You make a promise to your partner before God, his Priests or Pastors and congregation, to be faithful till death do you guys part, and the moment you step out of the church, you're already eyeing one of dem asoebi girls, hehehe, God is watching you oh!
So today, while I read different comments, I thought to myself; who is to blame??? Is it the married ones who wouldn't respect their marriages and their spouses and leave single people alone or is it the single ones who chase after married ones maybe because of money or whatever flimsy excuse they may want to give? I dare say each of them have a ''slice'' of the blame. I'll tell you why...cheating will only take place if there's someone to cheat with. Imagine that all single girls/guys decides not to date married men/women and all married men/women decides to stay in their marriages, the cheating problem is solved abi? But is that even possible? I doubt it. Each of dem cheaters are in there for what they can benefit. One might want the money and attention, the other might just be there for affection and love especially when they are not getting it at home. It is a kind of symbiotic relationship and each get what they want and they are satisfied, but they are quick to forget that, all these never end well for both parties.
Spouses have contracted so many diseases from their cheating spouses, homes have been broken, unwanted babies have been born, curses have been placed on cheaters and their generations unborn...need I say more?
Let's discuss reasons why people cheat, possible solutions and deterrents to curb this menace that has eaten deep into the fabric of our society.
I'll want to first think that men (as a general term to include women) are insatiable beings. Secondly, men love attention, if they aren't getting it where they ordinarily should get it, they look for it elsewhere. Again, forever seems like a long time, so they want to explore other alternatives, unhappiness is another cause of cheating, when the home isn't a home anymore but a house, men would always look for an excuse to stay out late, and when they do, they are bound to fall prey...these may be some reasons for cheating, but whatever the excuse, it isn't enough!
Solutions---I think people need to take the concept of marriage more seriously and be true to their marital vows.Do all the ''shenges'' whilst still single (scratch that), but when you are married, please stop!!! Just face your wife or husband, and if you are tired of the marriage, call it quit so you can be with that single girl or guy you love more than your spouse. You can't eat your cake and have it at the same time. Secondly, spouses should have ample time for each other, please don't chase career and leave your husband or wife stranded at home, you'll end up having to sleep and wake up to that career at some point. Career cannot cuddle you at night remember? Neither can it bring you breakfast in bed! So keep your home together first. Then again, for the ladies, be all the sexy your husband wants you to be, after all, he is your husband. Shed the baby fat and weight, dress well, wear good perfumes, keep a tidy home and make the bedroom interesting. Although, there are some insatiable men, even when you do all of these and try hard to keep them at home, they will still wander like a lost sheep, those ones are fighting their own demons...For the men, it's easy to please a woman, and you know that, so just be TLC; tender, loving and caring and watch the lady reciprocate like her life depends on it. Last but definitely not the least, go to God in prayers, miracles do happen. The heart of man is in God's hand and a notorious cheat might one day through prayers repent of his ways.
Deterrents---I propose that it should start from relationships. Don't condone a cheater, he or she will do it again and again and when you guys get married, they'll be worse and it will then be difficult to get out. Secondly, don't be a cheat too (charity begins at home). One is one, face one at a time. Don't do two or three or ten thousand. And finally, just like my good friend told me this evening while we chatted and I strongly believe it will work, let the good men/women keep remaining that way, the erring partners will one day out of guilt change for the better...Amen.
On the brighter side, it is not always the case that "once a cheater, always a cheater". They change, but, that is IF they want to.
So many things to talk about on this issue, but let us stop here...we'll love to hear your views on the topic too. Have a good week!
Photo Credit: nhn_couture
Barby.
It's funny right, one minute, it's Friday and you feel Monday is so far away only for it to just show up in your face like that. Sorry to break the not so good news to you, the weekend is over, Monday is here and the grind continues...the hustle is real.
If you're in Nigeria and conversant with happenings around you especially via social media, you may have heard many stories this weekend. All these have inspired so many interesting articles which in the course of the week, I'll try to write on. However, there was a story making rounds about a cheating husband who got his ex girlfriend pregnant. The celebrity wife is the victim in this case. The couple have been together for over a decade before they eventually got married, and from what we hear too, the cheating husband may have been with this ex for well over eight years too. So he was kinda running a concurrent relationship with both ladies. Meanwhile, Nigerians have got no chill at all oh, they've been dragging this guy all over twitter and instagram since the news broke! Now I'll try not to make this article about them because the story is still unconfirmed and husband and wife has decided not to fan the flames of the rumors; they've been mute about it. Also, the wife who happens to be a popular figure in the social society in Nigeria, is someone I hold in high esteem because of the boundaries she has been able to break through and the passion she has for her career and God. I must have mentioned her name in one or two of my articles, so I wouldn't mention their names here...
Now I digress.
Cheating in relationships isn't a new topic, nor is it new in marriages and relationships. I am almost tempted to leave relationships out of this discussion but I want to think that cheating in relationships begets cheating in marriages, you most certainly saw the warning signals but chose to ignore it. If you condone a cheating spouse while in a relationship, the probability is high that that spouse may continue and even become worse in marriage.
Everywhere you go, you hear of cheating on different levels, it has almost become the air we breathe! Recently, I heard a story of how a Pastor died and at his funeral, a woman and three kids surfaced. The oldest of the kids was 25 years at the time and the youngest was 17 years. They were the biological children to the deceased Pastor who kept his other family far away in another city. Pastor cheated on his wife for well over twenty five years and even went to the grave with his secret. Men, I hail!
Society has made this ugly cause of many broken marriages look normal, such that, a guy feels it is his birth right to be promiscuous. ''I cheat, so what? Is that anything new?'' It has become so bad that, if you are a guy and you don't cheat, you are not a ''guy man'' (whatever the hell that means). So wrong on all levels! Please there are still some good men out there that don't cheat and they don't need to cheat to prove a point to any man or their group of friends about their social status. If you are that man and you are reading this, God bless you!
Before I go too far and forget the basics, please dear friends, if you are a MARRIED man or woman, and you CHEAT on your spouse, for whatever reason, JUST STOP ALREADY, turn to God and desist from your adultery. Don't bring the wrath of God upon you.
Some days ago, a writer said that perhaps if people where to take their marital vows before ''juju'' or all the other gods, they'll be more faithful and desist from cheating. I couldn't agree less, imagine what a juju will do to you if you dare lust in your heart over another woman not to talk of hitting on her in real life?. People are really taking God for granted oh! You make a promise to your partner before God, his Priests or Pastors and congregation, to be faithful till death do you guys part, and the moment you step out of the church, you're already eyeing one of dem asoebi girls, hehehe, God is watching you oh!
So today, while I read different comments, I thought to myself; who is to blame??? Is it the married ones who wouldn't respect their marriages and their spouses and leave single people alone or is it the single ones who chase after married ones maybe because of money or whatever flimsy excuse they may want to give? I dare say each of them have a ''slice'' of the blame. I'll tell you why...cheating will only take place if there's someone to cheat with. Imagine that all single girls/guys decides not to date married men/women and all married men/women decides to stay in their marriages, the cheating problem is solved abi? But is that even possible? I doubt it. Each of dem cheaters are in there for what they can benefit. One might want the money and attention, the other might just be there for affection and love especially when they are not getting it at home. It is a kind of symbiotic relationship and each get what they want and they are satisfied, but they are quick to forget that, all these never end well for both parties.
Spouses have contracted so many diseases from their cheating spouses, homes have been broken, unwanted babies have been born, curses have been placed on cheaters and their generations unborn...need I say more?
Let's discuss reasons why people cheat, possible solutions and deterrents to curb this menace that has eaten deep into the fabric of our society.
I'll want to first think that men (as a general term to include women) are insatiable beings. Secondly, men love attention, if they aren't getting it where they ordinarily should get it, they look for it elsewhere. Again, forever seems like a long time, so they want to explore other alternatives, unhappiness is another cause of cheating, when the home isn't a home anymore but a house, men would always look for an excuse to stay out late, and when they do, they are bound to fall prey...these may be some reasons for cheating, but whatever the excuse, it isn't enough!
Solutions---I think people need to take the concept of marriage more seriously and be true to their marital vows.
Deterrents---I propose that it should start from relationships. Don't condone a cheater, he or she will do it again and again and when you guys get married, they'll be worse and it will then be difficult to get out. Secondly, don't be a cheat too (charity begins at home). One is one, face one at a time. Don't do two or three or ten thousand. And finally, just like my good friend told me this evening while we chatted and I strongly believe it will work, let the good men/women keep remaining that way, the erring partners will one day out of guilt change for the better...Amen.
On the brighter side, it is not always the case that "once a cheater, always a cheater". They change, but, that is IF they want to.
So many things to talk about on this issue, but let us stop here...we'll love to hear your views on the topic too. Have a good week!
Photo Credit: nhn_couture
Barby.
Interesting article..Cheating is bad, very bad. If women support women, cheating may reduce. U knw he has a wife, yet u stil listened to him nd fall in lust wt him...Bt u cant leave a man bcos he cheated on U, d nxt may be worse. If he is sorry nd remorseful nd stil treats u like his queen...ofcos u shud let it go. Women sef r nt left out,some r serial cheaters too. Infact na women be d issues for d earth. Lol
ReplyDeleteYeah, I also think women need to support each other. And just like you pointed out, if you leave a man cos he cheated, no one guarantees you of the next man you might meet, he just might be worse...But I disagree that women are largely the problem of the society, the world in itself is one complex place abeg.
DeleteI disagree with you @akpomedaye,women are not the problem in this world,like barby the world is a complex place,very complex indeed! Women cheat too just like men,but I don't belong to that school of thought that says you may meet someone worse should incase you catch ur partner cheating on you and he/she begs for forgiveness! Yes I can forgive! So the question is what if he continues cheating and always gets caught in the process so will you continue to forgive such a person,when he/she represents the image of a dog? Abeg the answer is simple leave the relationship while u can, because a cheating partner will never change except he undergoes deliverance,thats the mistake a lot of ladies make these days,they all come up with the notion that they cannot leave a cheating man becos all men are the same,i beg to disagree with that! My advice is that when you are dating a cheating man/woman and u always catch him/her cheating, my dear RUN! Forget the fact that he treats u like a queen,blah blah blah! And if u hv married the cheat,too bad! Even on your wedding day they will still cheat,and cheating continues for them!I have heard a lot of stories like that,alot!! The fear of getting a better person is the beginning of bondage,so the earlier you realise that they are good and better people in this world that will treat you like a queen/king and appreciate u like no other the better for you! And mind you its a different case if when he/she cheats on you and begs for forgiveness,and never returns to cheating again,that I can condole, but when it becomes a continuous act,if u like treat me like queen of England nothing for you!
ReplyDeleteA million likes! Very blunt reaction and I like your guts my dear. Let me roll on the floor at "if u like, treat me like Queen of England".
DeleteTnks barby,lols!
ReplyDelete