THE WEDDING

That didn’t sound like it was my wedding right??? Relax…I was just introducing today’s topic. I’ve played you once with the ring thing here, don’t get played a second time!

Maybe it’s just me and my good news season (I prayed for it), but, I figured that a lot of my friends have been getting married. I wake up everyday to new wedding invitations, BBM or whatsapp messages from these friends, and I cannot contain my excitement. Although, not to sound hateful, some of these IVs have come as a surprise to me, but hey! It's all good! I share in their joy and I celebrate them. Marriage is such a beautiful thing and I look forward to it someday by God’s grace. But before the marriage itself, there is the wedding…

To start with, relationships are expensive; no matter how economical you try to be, they are expensive. For it to work, there must be exchange of phone calls, messages, gifts (monetary and material) etc. All these things don’t come cheap. It’s even more expensive if your partner stays far away from you; say in another city or another country with a different time zone. Ask people in long distance relationships and they’ll tell you. No matter how close your partner is to you, you’ll still need to keep in touch via phone calls and messages and of course, constant subscription to maintain your social media platforms for chats. No need to convince you further, just agree with me that relationships are expensive, so that we can move on. Do you agree? Oya chop knuckle then!

And then, you successfully cross this sweet and sour relationship phase, and you want to move to the next level (kudos to all them guys who take this BOLD step). You guys are the real MVPs. It take a lot of courage and responsibility and money to do so.  The guy has calculated in his head how much he’ll spend from the proposal, to the introduction, to the court wedding, to the engagement/traditional wedding and finally the white wedding. Seems like a lot right? It’s a lot! You see why I call them the real MVPs? Well, the bride-to-be has other ‘’important’’ plans too. After the proposal, there’ll be a post-proposal party to celebrate the union, a bridal party before the wedding, pre-wedding photos and of course, the aso-ebi.

If the bride-to-be aint earning money, all these and many other miscellaneous are on the guy’s list too. A close friend of mine who got married recently, told me how she wished she already had a job before getting married. Her husband apparently was almost choked up with the ‘’serenren’’ (please ask a Yoruba person to interpret. Don’t blame me much for speaking vernacular, the message is better passed across that way).

You can’t blame him much. Weddings are getting more and more expensive as the day goes by. Social media isn’t helping matters. Everybody’s marriage seems to be all golden and bright and without blemish and you don’t want to be left out…First off, the pre-wedding photos has to be on some baddest fleek, if not, you’ve failed your first wedding test. People started wearing one outfit for the pre wedding photos oh, but now, things have changed for the "best" hopefully. Would-be couples now wear three to four or more coordinated outfits for the shoot. Wahala dey oh! Aside that, you need a professional photographer to bring the pictures to life. Nobody wants to see ‘’Mr F photography’’ who knows him? We all want to see the likes of TY Bello, Klalaphotography, Studio24 and co as your photographer, if not, you’ve failed the second test. Duh! It haff reach like that! All these would cost good money oh. Shey you see too that weddings are expensive?

Away from all of that, there’s the bridal shower with a theme which has been going on for some time now. From Barbie theme, to Beyonce, to Victoria Secret, to Chanel or Sailors, the bride-to-be and her friends come together for a party in honor of the bride before the wedding. I hear these friends are sometimes billed separately for the party (na by force? Ask me!) If you do not contribute and bear gifts when coming also, you might just be tagged an enemy or be treated less than your other friends. So there’s the pressure not to be relegated to the background here and you may have to succumb or back out. Ok na!

Then the aso-ebi epic drama. This has been going on for ages now, but it’s on a new radar in this our generation. A friend of mine recently deleted me on BBM because I didn’t attend her wedding and also didn’t buy aso-ebi (Don’t get me wrong, I would have, but we stay in two different cities, and itinerary wasn’t in our favor, plus it was the week of my first Law Conference, and I didn't see the need to buy a 25k aso-ebi for a wedding I wouldn't be attending. You see?). She obviously wasn’t so pissed when I said I wouldn’t be able to grace the wedding, but the moment I said I wasn’t getting the aso-ebi of 25k, I was deleted ni fiam! Ahn ahn na, e haff not reach like that oh, lemme explain small. Nothing like that oh! LOL. No need, I got bounced. I was not bringing nada to the table obviously. The other day too, on one of the popular blogs, people were bashing some upcoming celebs for not buying the aso-ebi of a fellow colleague. Some saw it as unsupportive of them (they actually attended the wedding oh, but they weren’t on the aso-ebi), some saw them as stingy, some saw them as poor etc. Very unfair! Was their presence not enough support? I tire for some people oh! You see one reason why I envy guys? No aso-ebi drama. They just choose fila (cap) and you throw that over a white agbada. Shikena! This is their constant dress code for weddings, and they always look dapper. They keep recycling the same white agbada (or more) for every wedding with a different cap, and they are at peace with each other, no hard feelings. For my fellow ladies, Mbanu! Ekaette would choose teal and custard yellow gele, Biola will choose burgundy and ‘’dove’’ white (I’m not exaggerating, I have heard this before), Chichi will also choose strawberry pink and midnight blue gele (real life issues oh, you haven’t heard? Ask women around you for hilarious colors of aso-ebi we hear everyday) before you know it, you have all the colors of the rainbow and its affiliations in your wardrobe. Very soon, we will be hearing "golden brown or milky red" as colors. Nawa! Some brides even charge outrageously for these wears and make money out of it for themselves. Talk of business strategy! Thanks men for your simplicity in this regard.

And then on the day of the traditional wedding, a minimum of three outfits will be worn by the bride, which in my opinion is okay. Some brides wear five or more sef. And on the day of the wedding, a minimum of two. Yeah, brides now wear a reception dress now, and some men too wear reception casuals! So, if as a lady, you rented a wedding gown for 50k, you may not have it on up to four hours before it expires, and you’re on to the reception dress again! Are you kidding moi??? (I can see some mothers-in-law cursing their daughters-in-law for being so extravagant and wasting their son’s money) Hehehe! And then, there’s the after wedding thanksgiving and party.

Amidst all of this, there’s the hall, decoration, bride price, food, drinks, snacks, make up, and other miscellaneous to spend money on.

My darlings, weddings are not for the faint-hearted rara!

My advice; don’t follow the bandwagon. Do you. The quality of the wedding doesn’t determine the length of the marriage. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t spend much and have a good marriage oh. It is possible. But, cut your coat according to your cloth and that of your husbands’. Don’t overdo and live in sufferhead later. You know what you can afford, do that. Don’t go overboard to please the ‘’world’’, they will not be there when you will be soaking garri or starring at an empty purse. Also, make an estimate of expenses to run, work hand in hand with your spouse FIRST, before his family or your family. And finally, be considerate and don’t allow all the pressure get to you. The wedding will be only for a couple of days, what matters is what both of you make of the marriage. God bless us.

Photo Credit: @Peniel Enchill

Ciao,

Barby.