SINGLE OR MARRIED???
It was a party of young people so, as a guest, you could come alone, or with your husband or wife, fiancé or fiancée, boyfriend or girlfriend etc as you deemed fit. After prayers where said to begin the event, everyone was asked to introduced themselves by stating their names, status, hobbies and other details you may feel necessary. That's where the drama started...
Married couples easily stated their names, hobbies and the fact that they were ''happily married'' with -- number of kids. No problem. The engaged guests too happily said they were engaged to the ''handsome man/beautiful woman'' beside them. No qualms. N.B; Most of the single guests came with ''someone''(safer to say that, because I cannot be so sure their partners where their bf/gf). So the single ones started introducing themselves and I began to hear different things: One lady who came with a guy said she was ''single'', the guy said he was single too, another guy said he was ''technically single'' (he came with a girl whom I later found out was his girlfriend), the girlfriend said she was ''single but not searching''. I also heard stuffs like ''single and ready to mingle'', ''it's complicated''(everyone laughed at these ones), ''seriously searching'' blah blah blah. But a particular ''couple''(emphasis on the word couple because they aren't married) caught my attention. The lady introduced her status as ''single but not searching'' and guess what happened next? The guy she came with walks away from the party immediately. You heard right. He walked away. I gathered that he was PISSED she introduced herself as ''single but not searching'' and was expecting her to say she was ''taken'' (to where kwa?), or ''in a relationship''.
My oh My! Things we hear and see. Are you for real? Some people can be dramatic sha I swear. What was that for???
Call a spade a spade and don't sit on the fence. In my humble opinion, you are either SINGLE or MARRIED. No playing middle course. If you are so particular about her status and if her saying ''single but not searching'' bruises your ego, do the right thing ASAP, shikena! That way, you can enjoy the bliss of being taken. Is there any status like ''in a relationship'' or ''taken'' really??? Hell NO. Single but not searching has been adopted generally, to protect your partner's interest (whether he/she is there with you or not) and I find it honorable and commendable too on the part of the one partner and the other partner should take it in good faith. Do you have an idea how many people you have knowingly and unknowingly wished away by saying you're ''single but not searching'' when in actual sense you're just ''single and not married''? which is true because you are not married. Period. It's a social event and a networking platform for crying out loud and one is bound to have crushers and toasters if you're on your A game or just people you can discuss business ideas with and being ''single but not searching'' may scare people away but you have damned the consequences and have decided to honour your partner by being ''single and not searching'' and there's still a problem? Human are insatiable sha oh. And peeps should fear God too.
Someone in the crowd made an insightful comment which he passed as a joke but which made sense to me. He said; ''ladies shouldn't be single and searching or single but not searching. Men should search for you, just relax''. We laughed. But this got me thinking. He made a lot of sense. Isn't it biblical that ''he that FINDETH(finds) a wife, findeth a good thing''? Drawing inference from this piece, it simply means that it's the man's duty to search for the woman. A lady shouldn't be searching. The Holy Book never lies. Thank God for God oh! What a soothing relief! Then again, in formal organization where you need to fill a bio data form, the options are either Single or Married and you'll need to pick one out of the two. Would you now cancel both options and write in red ink (since red signifies love and you're in love) that you're in a relationship or taken? Oversabi. You'll never see, Single or Married or In a Relationship or It's complicated in such bio data forms. NEVER. Leave such ''drama'' for facebook and the likes.
Dear friends, we really need to discuss this without being biased to one gender or the other. Is there really any other status aside ''single'' or ''married''? For the single ones among us, do you think you deny your bf/gf whenever you say you are single but not searching? Does saying that mean you are not in a relationship? Would you walk away if you where in the guy's shoes? So many questions and angles to it. I want you to share your views in the comment section below. Everybody should get involved so we can have divergent opinions on this subject. I know for sure that we may not all agree on my opinion, so I want to hear yours.
Photo Credit:
Yours truly,
Barby.
In relationship is an option in a social gathering or set up.
ReplyDeleteThe whole single or married is only applicable in religious or formal environment. There is a class between single and married in social environment which represents courtship I.e "in relationship" just my humble opinion tHough
Waiting for the comments to start rolling in...
ReplyDelete🐦/📷 @arnoldaycee
ReplyDeleteIts either one is single or he's/she's married 💑. If you've been dating one guy👦 /girl👧 for the past 50000yrs or you've been engaged to one man 👨 or woman 👩 for the past one million years, what you are as long as you're not married is SINGLE
Pop and plain
It doesn't matter how in love you are, or serious you are about your relationship, your marital status is single when you're not married
That said, its however pertinent to note that of you're in a serious relationship; you can where necessary emphasize your involvement with someone else to dissuade people who show interest. That's the only way you can shows respect to the person you are in a relationship with. You must know why person dey ask you for relationship status. If its not formal or official, of course you can then delve to the "in a relationship" part.
If I must say something about the "complicated" status, person when dey use that one just wan straff move. Its never complicated. That one I know for sure.
All in all, its either you're married or you're single. About the guy that stormed away, he's either a drama queen 👑 or there's something we don't know about this story.
♠ Ace out 👮
Sooooo, i'm back, was here before, had to read again...
ReplyDeleteI believe that it depends on the parties involved.
Those with relationships that aren't going anywhere know themselves. So even if a woman isn't engaged by a man, she knows when she is just plain single and the status isn't changing anytime soon.
That said, technically, one is single till they are married. Yep, anything can happen before the wedding. This doesn't mean that a person should cheat on their bf/gf, but it simply means that "anything can happen before the marriage"
An easy way to sidestep all this brouhaha is to go into purposeful relationships.
You know when you are just testing the waters and you know when the person has been given a confirmation to be yours by God.
I'm not a fan of testing the waters, if God doesn't say "He is the one", I don't move into any relationship, don't have time to be rigmarolling around.
And yes, God still speaks concerning relationships, ask Isaac and abraham's servant how they got Rebekah(Gen 26)
Get close to godly married couples and you will be amazed as to how God orchestrated their love story. And we shouldn't settle for less than God's best for us. He designed marriage from the beginning of time and is the best match maker ever. Follow Him closely and He will lead you even in relationships. Some of us create problems for ourselves just cuz we didn't stop to listen to what God had for us maritally before we jumped into one relationhip or the other.
Finally, build your own relationship with God, start hearing him speak to you even in the small details of life and you will definitely hear Him speak whether a man/woman is yours when you have an interest in someone.
Hear from God before you move, then you will know for certain if you are on track on not.
I may have delved for a bit, but its all wrapped in...somehow.
I saw this post at noon yesterday, but I did not post my comment immediately. First, because I was quite busy at work and secondly, and secondly, because I realized that this controversy needs a careful thought before a response. I finally was able to respond at about 12 midnight yesterday, but after typing about 3 pages, the whole comment mysteriously disappeared. I was so frustrated, but decided that I must make sure to drop my thoughts on this issue today. I just hope I am able to remember all I wrote yesterday.
ReplyDeleteI must say that the issue of being single, married, engaged etc. and the meanings ascribed to them depends on the context and setting where that question arises. The different contexts or settings can be broadly divided into two.
(i) formal settings
(ii) informal or social settings.
In a formal setting, one is usually asked to declare their MARITAL STATUS. Take note of the emphasis on the word marital status. It is different from relationship status. When you are asked to declare your marital status, you are in most cases expected to declare that you area married or single. In some instances, you may be allowed other options like divorced, separated, widowed etc. Take note that all the options refer to the marital status not relationship status.
However, in a social or informal gathering, which I believe the party in the scenario is, the question put to individuals, there is to declare their relationship status. In this instance, you should state whether you are married, single, engaged, widowed, divorce, in a relationship, in a committed relationship, in an open relationship, its complicated, single and searching, single and ready to mingle, etc.
The particular answer given depends on the peculiar standing of your relationship. Under no guise should a person that is in a stable relationship of three years and above say in such a gathering that he or she is single. This can only happen when he or she doesn’t understand his or her relationship status or he or she is just being plain mischievious or negatively adventurous. Please understand that it does not totally depend on the age of the relationship, but it is a combination of both the age of the relationship and the strength or quality of the relationship.
I don’t know the relationship status of the lady in question, but if she is in a long lasting committed relationship, her action is condemnable. I also do not think that it was right for the young man to walk out of the party. He should have simply enjoyed or endured the party till the tension eases. He can then express his displeasure later. That way, the two parties can make themselves clearer on the status of their relationship. The relationship could either come out better or the necessary farewells are exchanged.
ReplyDeleteFor God sake, single but not searching simply means, “I am single, but I am not desperate”, “you will have to chase me to get me”. Single and searching simply means, “ I am single, I am available, come and get me”. I will try and make an excuse for the lady in question. She might not understand the difference between marital status and relationship status, or the different contexts in which both are used. However, that excuse does not hold water, because if she meant marital status in the sense of the formal setting, she would not have added not searching. Her including not searching in her statement presupposes the fact that she knew it was a relationship status in the informal or social context that was expected of her.
Take note that I do not seek to encourage people in a relationship especially the ladies to be glued or tied down to one guy who is not engaged or married to them, totally ignoring the fact that until they are married anything is possible. In fact anything is still possible after marriage. What I seek to say is that we should call a spade a spade, not a garden tool. If you are in a relationship, say so. A man who truly and genuinely wants you for keeps wont be discouraged by the fact that your are in relationship. At least if you are that valuable in his sight, he shouldn’t expect to be the first to notice that. A man who is interested in cuffing you will chase you until he is convinced beyond reasonable doubt that your relationship is stable and unshakeable. It is only the jokers and those looking for a vulnerable prey to devour that will simply go away when you tell them that you are in a relationship. So be assured that the fact that you declare your true relationship status will not chase an eligible suitor. Nonetheless, if you want a fling, or you desperately want another option different from your present partner, you can conceal your relationship status.
This is my humble opinion I stand to be corrected
Uncle P(as we fondly call him) wants to chase me from the blog oh, the comment is even more than the blogpost. Awwww! I just love the fact that you took out time to share your thoughts and break it down the way you did. I have learnt and I hope you all have too. God bless you.
DeleteWow! Enlightening comments. I'm impressed. From all of these, I've learnt that marital status is different from social status and depending on where you are, you should know what is appropriate for the occasion. Also, marital status may also include; divorced, widowed, separated, and I learnt a new one ''living partners''. Then again, the best way to deal with an issue is to resolve amicably through discussion instead of creating a scene or acting on impulse. You can read up this article too http://www.imperfectlyperfectlives.com/the-real-power-couples/ written by Frances Okoro.
ReplyDelete