Friends Without Benefits With An Ex
I don't know how people do it, and I don't agree it is possible to be friends without benefit with an ex. I would need a lot of convincing on this one to allow it sink in and look normal to me. He/She would call you everyday, keep tabs on you...what you eat, what you wear, where you and your current bf/gf went on vacation to or what else could they possibly be talking about? Their past? Their good times? Or the error they made whilst together and if they had put in a little more effort, it could have worked out better than it did? Please tell me?
When they both claim that there are no sexual benefits, this is usually the line of conversation they say they have and they would want you to agree that there isn't anything wrong with it. My dear, there is everything wrong in it. You want to know why? 'Cos it can wake up old feelings and create room for dramas. And aint nobody got time for that! Why would they want to hang out and have a drink? To catch up on old times? Don't they know that ''old things has passed away and all things have become new''? Even the Bible recognizes that, why not you my friend? Why not? LOL.
Boy likes girl, boy asks girl to be his girlfriend, girl agrees, they date for a while, life happens and they have to part ways, both of them are now in new relationships (or not) and then, one of them wants to constantly keep in touch (probably because he/she still harbors feelings for the ex) and you want the world and I to be convinced that it is normal. Hear it from me cupcake, there's nothing normal about that sh*t! Must there be any sexual relationship between them before I can call that a ''benefit''? Even a good morning to my bf is too much benefit and I am not willing to share with an ex. Period!
Yeah, I said it! But not to sound so possessive, I can overlook rare phone calls to congratulate him on his graduation, or on his birthday, or on his new job or on his new car or the new house, in all, like four times in a year and that should be about the best I can take but then again, how did she even find out about all of these for Pete's sake? Who has been updating her? You?(It better not be) Is she the unforeseen guest in our lives? Why oh why?
I may not have so much problem with her. I shouldn't sef, what is my business with her really? But I would definitely have a problem with that boyfriend that feels it is normal for her to be around, after all, ''she was there before you''. Hehehe. That's a dumb thing to say and I may see that as trying to defend both of you and I will not take it lightly because it is highly unreasonable and unacceptable too. I don't even know which is worse; a cheating partner or an ex that would never go away? Believe me, both dramas are crazy, you wouldn't want to be caught on stage playing them.
If she was better, sweetheart, you'll probably still be with her and not me. I am not in a competition, so I shouldn't be convincing you to be with me and I wouldn't want to be a rebound either. It hurts oh, it hurts real bad, especially when you're the all so faithful partner, and your Boo cannot cut off the strings with an ex. It makes you feel like you're wasting your time or you don't mean anything...
Then for those that do it, please what's the gain? Personally, I wouldn't want to call an ex regularly, except it is complimentary like the instances I stated above. I'll rather move on with my life and be better so the ex can think of me and wish we didn't have to part ways, that's enough for me. I would also not stoop so low as to call my bf's ex and start warning her to bug off my bf (he must be plated in gold), this is not to say he is not important oh, it is just that I am too important to allow myself be a drama queen for one man. Sowee.
PS-- We would have to dedicate an article to ladies that do that and some men too. Why would you? Are you drunk on overlove or something?
Little expo(like you don't already know, lol)--It is more dignifying to keep tabs on an ex by checking out their progress on social media and the likes, that way they don't know what you're doing, but rubbing it in their face and making them feel too important and giving them the impression that they can still have you if and when they want to is not honorable at all and it is disrespectful to your current partner. I stand to be corrected.
Ok friends, that's my opinion about this, truth is, I don't like it at all. Some people can condone it, I just can't. I'm entitled to my opinion right? Oya what is yours about this topic? Is it normal? Can you accommodate it? Do you keep tabs on an ex? Have you had cause to call ur bf/gf's ex and warn them to stay away?
Let's talk dearies.
Have a lovely weekend and stay safe.
Barby.
When they both claim that there are no sexual benefits, this is usually the line of conversation they say they have and they would want you to agree that there isn't anything wrong with it. My dear, there is everything wrong in it. You want to know why? 'Cos it can wake up old feelings and create room for dramas. And aint nobody got time for that! Why would they want to hang out and have a drink? To catch up on old times? Don't they know that ''old things has passed away and all things have become new''? Even the Bible recognizes that, why not you my friend? Why not? LOL.
Boy likes girl, boy asks girl to be his girlfriend, girl agrees, they date for a while, life happens and they have to part ways, both of them are now in new relationships (or not) and then, one of them wants to constantly keep in touch (probably because he/she still harbors feelings for the ex) and you want the world and I to be convinced that it is normal. Hear it from me cupcake, there's nothing normal about that sh*t! Must there be any sexual relationship between them before I can call that a ''benefit''? Even a good morning to my bf is too much benefit and I am not willing to share with an ex. Period!
Yeah, I said it! But not to sound so possessive, I can overlook rare phone calls to congratulate him on his graduation, or on his birthday, or on his new job or on his new car or the new house, in all, like four times in a year and that should be about the best I can take but then again, how did she even find out about all of these for Pete's sake? Who has been updating her? You?(It better not be) Is she the unforeseen guest in our lives? Why oh why?
I may not have so much problem with her. I shouldn't sef, what is my business with her really? But I would definitely have a problem with that boyfriend that feels it is normal for her to be around, after all, ''she was there before you''. Hehehe. That's a dumb thing to say and I may see that as trying to defend both of you and I will not take it lightly because it is highly unreasonable and unacceptable too. I don't even know which is worse; a cheating partner or an ex that would never go away? Believe me, both dramas are crazy, you wouldn't want to be caught on stage playing them.
If she was better, sweetheart, you'll probably still be with her and not me. I am not in a competition, so I shouldn't be convincing you to be with me and I wouldn't want to be a rebound either. It hurts oh, it hurts real bad, especially when you're the all so faithful partner, and your Boo cannot cut off the strings with an ex. It makes you feel like you're wasting your time or you don't mean anything...
Then for those that do it, please what's the gain? Personally, I wouldn't want to call an ex regularly, except it is complimentary like the instances I stated above. I'll rather move on with my life and be better so the ex can think of me and wish we didn't have to part ways, that's enough for me. I would also not stoop so low as to call my bf's ex and start warning her to bug off my bf (he must be plated in gold), this is not to say he is not important oh, it is just that I am too important to allow myself be a drama queen for one man. Sowee.
PS-- We would have to dedicate an article to ladies that do that and some men too. Why would you? Are you drunk on overlove or something?
Little expo(like you don't already know, lol)--It is more dignifying to keep tabs on an ex by checking out their progress on social media and the likes, that way they don't know what you're doing, but rubbing it in their face and making them feel too important and giving them the impression that they can still have you if and when they want to is not honorable at all and it is disrespectful to your current partner. I stand to be corrected.
Ok friends, that's my opinion about this, truth is, I don't like it at all. Some people can condone it, I just can't. I'm entitled to my opinion right? Oya what is yours about this topic? Is it normal? Can you accommodate it? Do you keep tabs on an ex? Have you had cause to call ur bf/gf's ex and warn them to stay away?
Let's talk dearies.
Have a lovely weekend and stay safe.
Barby.
Am in total agreement with you....I don't even give the exs the room to keep tabs on me on social media cos I delete dem asap.
ReplyDeleteDear I AM, you're harsh oh. Lol.
DeleteIt's not acceptable on any level...why would I want to be friends with an ex (shey na ex dem call am) old things have passed away besides I thinks it creates room for nonsense and then u begin to have double mind with the ifs and if nots...when someone decides to become an ex you mark him X but then that's just my opinion....p.s barby me thinks you are doing a great job with this blog...#ohkbye
ReplyDeleteMy darling, good to have you here. Thanks for joining the convo. How's that way and hope u're on top of it? All the best dear.
Deletei for one ,never believed in clean break-ups, it doesnt work that way jawe. once we re done, we re so done. maybe a couple of 'hey' and 'hi' when we see sha. there is a reason we had to part ways and moving on must be with full concentration abeg. if i may ask, whats the inspiration behind this particular post o.
ReplyDeleteLMAO. Lateef wants to put me on a hot seat. I'm a freelance writer. I write on all subjects. Trust me, this is nothing personal... I love ''there is a reason we had to part ways and moving on must be with full concentration''. Nice one.
DeleteHmmmm, it is wa... most of us wil 1 day be somebody's ex b4 we finally get married ...So be mindful hw u treat dt ex. Dt it dint work does nt mean we should be enemies right? I totally agree bn too close wt an ex is wrong bt is it nt thesame as bn close to a toaster. Abi wch 1 is worse sef(barby tk note,we need an article on dis)bcos most girls play d he ws askin me out, i hv a bf bt he is like my best friend nw....Story for d gods...bck to d ex, hw do 1really control hw an ex cals,text or mail him/her? Do u tel dem to stop callin u? Wont dey say u r behaving too naive. Or u dnt tk deir cals?or hw exctly...Well, we r all different . My advice is do anytn dt pleases ur present partner, afterall, there is a reason dey r d present 1s..dnt jeopardise ur present relationshp bcos of an ex or toasters...At some point, we knw what is wrong nd right, xcept we r dumb.
ReplyDeleteWell an ex is ex,left for me oh,i delete everything concerning u,i cut off all communications when I see he's becoming a freak,yea!an ex acted like a freak once had to block him immediately,we have moved on so why d emotional calls and text messages,had to put an end to it! And again we r not enemies either,if I see u I greet u oh,but I wouldn't give u the chance to preach about the whole love rubbish it's all in the past". It's best u cut off unhealthy communications with an ex in order to preserve the love and respect u owe ur present partner! Shikena!
ReplyDeleteTruth is, there are some beautiful and wonderful relationships that just have to end for the betterment of everyone. Relationships can end sadly with both parties bitter at the situation, but not bitter at each other. There are some awesome people you meet but couldn't sustain a relationship with for one or two good reasons. The fact that you have broken up with them doesn't mean you will erase them from your life. You can keep a good robust and platonic relationship with a REASONABLE EX. Emphasis on the phrase reasonable ex. The bottom line is where to draw the line. When both parties know where to draw the line, everyone is safe. I won't talk to an ex everyday or keep them updated about every tiny little detail of my life, but I can be good friends with my ex. In fact, I am good friends with a few of my ex's, and it doesn't pose a threat to my relationship. My GF is comfortable about it that way. Bottom line is keep it safe and reasonable.
ReplyDeleteWell said Uncle P
DeleteI totally agree with Gift on this one.
ReplyDelete